So You Want To Take A Stuffed Animal To The Graps
GREAT!
No, really, I mean it! I’m all in favour of taking plushies to wrestling shows. After all, I spend many months taking a stuffed sheep with me (his name is Steve) and once took my own version of Skat Monkey to an ATTACK! show.
However, I also feel that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about taking a toy to a show. And as someone who’s done a lot of it, I feel I have a touch of authority on the subject.
So today, we’re going to talk about Stuffed Animal Wrestling Etiquette.
First of all: what is your reason for taking a stuffed animal to the graps?
This isn’t supposed to be some sort of deep, meaningful enquiry into the purpose of action in life, mind you. I’m not Lord Gideon Grey (or I wasn’t the last time I checked). Nor will I cover every possible permutation of motive because we’ll be here all day. Instead, let’s consider three possibilities.
Your stuffed animal could be a comfort item. Don’t laugh — there are plenty of mentally ill or disabled wrestling fans (including folk who are both at once) and wrestling shows are stressful places. They’re loud, they’re often hot, they’re crowded, there are flashing lights: the list goes on. So bringing along something to hug that calms you down? A+, keep doing what you’re doing.
Your stuffed animal could be a charity mascot. This is also known as the Beni Bear Exemption Clause, and if you aren’t familiar with Beni Bear, check him out because he’s a sweet adorable angel and his mummy lets me hug him when I’m stressed at PROGRESS. Raising money for a good cause? You’re a legend.
And finally, your stuffed animal could be there for the bants.
Now I myself have brought a stuffed animal to places for the bants, so this isn’t an instant disqualification, but you do have to be more careful as one punter’s bants is another punter’s angry rant on the PROGRESS fan-page.
The second question one must ask oneself is this: is the stuffed animal related to a specific person?
If yes because it’s related to you as its your comfort item or charity mascot, congrats! You can move on to the next section.
If yes because it’s related to a specific wrestler, that also tends to be fine. I used to take Steve the sheep to shows to mess with Scott Star because there was a running joke about him being a sheep (blame the fluffy coats).
And Skat Monkey Jr. was because I wanted to make Sebastian Radclaw smile as he’s an utter sweetheart.
If no because you just want attention… well, that’s your choice, but you’re starting to veer into dangerous waters. It’s still possible to behave well, but it’s more difficult.
So now that you know why you’re bringing your stuffed animal and who for, what do you plan to do with it?
You could keep it in your bag until you need it, most likely because it’s a comfort item, and that’s absolutely fine.
Anybody who disagrees with you having it should be introduced to Jimmy Havoc and his axe. Keep doing you.
You could keep it under your chair or in your lap and not make a huge fuss out of it. That’s what Beni Bear’s mum does with him. I would keep Steve the Sheep under my chair until Scott’s match then pop him in my lap so Scott could see (I was normally in the front row). And with Skat Monkey Jr., I propped him up against the railings until Radclaw’s match, when he flipped out and we got a picture together and it was well cute.
Or you could do anything you possibly can with the toy to get attention. Which… well, I mean, that’s your call, mate, but it’s more likely to lead to the situation in question four.
Which brings me neatly to this: how will you react if you receive negative feedback to having a stuffed animal at the graps?
Ignoring it and forgetting it ever happened is probably the best way, although that’s difficult. Also, in the case of comfort items, please talk to security if you can should anyone hassle you or attempt to take your comfort item away because that sort of ableist nonsense should not be tolerated.
Complaining about it on your personal social media is another valid option. People made fun of me for taking a sheep to the wrestling on a fan-page and I just kinda whinged about it on my own Facebook because I thought it was a touch unnecessary.
Or you could threaten people and act out because they don’t like your toy.
Which… no, if you do that, you lose. Good day. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200. You lose your Stuffed Animal Privileges.
Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
… well I suppose I am, really but shut up.
I hope this guide helps you in your future endeavours. Leave comfort objects alone, support good charities and limit the banter and you won’t ruffle anyone’s feathers with your fluffy companion.
Do it for Steve.
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