Grandma Goes To Jail

My Grandma isn’t your average Grandma.

Yea, she is wrinkly

Yea, she has false teeth

Yea, she is REALLY old, she spoils me, and she cant drive at night.

But my Grandma is unique. She likes to drink, gamble, and fight.

She likes to catch you with a quick left jab and an uppercut with her right.

She’s got the mouth of a sailor.

She’s got the strength of an ox.

She’s got the grace of a butterfly, and the speed of a fox.

But, she still loves me sweetly.

One late night after a bloody bar room fight, the police hauled Grandma off to jail.

She was the only one who could walk out of the dimly lit pub.

I guess she did good.

She cant make bail, so my little old grandma sits in the jail.

She writes me telling tales of life in the slammer.

She kicked a guard in the groin and bopped his toe with a hammer.

Its more fun than she has had in years she said, “Im making lots of new friends and earning tons of street cred!”

The judge didn’t like how she attracted street cats, and he didn’t like that she walloped the jailhouse rat (snitch).

“But” he said “Ive got a Grandma that I love too, and your Grandson just like all Grand Children do, need a Grandma on the outside to shower them with love, it is true.”

So he let her go.

I waited for her outside the jail and we gave each other a great big hug.

We hopped in her old town car.

She checked her mirrors with a squint in her eye.

We backed up into a fence, put it in drive, swipped the tail of a car, and Grandma said “Boy its good to be alive.”

And we drove home. Really, REALLY slow.

END

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