I honor your feelings and inclinations, because when I was 27, I felt the same way. Rebelled against the thought of having children or if I did ‘cave in’, I was only going to have one. Fast forward to age 30, when my doctor dropped the bomb that I had been born with a fairly rare genetic defect in my uterus and it was highly unlikely I would ever be able to conceive. A very strange and rollercoaster ride of emotions as I contemplated what it meant to be relieved of my egotistical choice.
Previously, I had been hypercritical of our society, rebellious against what I saw as the expectation of motherhood. As I grew older, people would ask me, ‘do you have children?’ When I said no, their response was often, ‘don’t you want them?’ Until they found out I couldn’t — what always came next was a mixture of sympathy and pity because I would never be a mother. Believe me when I share that sucked worse.
Please understand this is only my personal experience, but it’s taken 14 years to work through all of the various emotions and hurt around this, to be okay with ‘just’ pursuing a career. It was the proverbial straw that broke the back of my marriage at the time. Sometimes I hold hope that one day, a man I am dating and will marry, his children will have a grandchild. Is that healthy? Or am I just creating a child substitute?
My point being, what I learned was that one never knows what life will bring. What I do understand now at age 44, whenever I allow myself to be jaded by life, by society, to close off possibilities, things show up to teach me why instead I need to move into gratitude. Ironically, right now I’m in a place where I could have a child, I spend the last 5 years paying off most of my debt, I dropped down to work part-time and have time and much life wisdom to offer. I choose to be optimistic about our world. So many people are waking up to understand that the rat race, long hours, the disparities between wealthy and poor and the competition our culture has touted is no longer serving us. Many people are starting to make different choices, live a simpler life, set off on their own path.
Actually, I’m actively choosing to be a part of spreading the message for a different set of societal values and I surround myself with others who are doing the same.
Whatever you do choose, I invite you to do it from a place of positivity, from a place of valuing yourself, of searching your heart for what’s true for you. Then, like me you will never look back and regret — you will simply see each challenge that arose as a opportunity to learn more about who you are and what you’re really made of. Let the world do what it does, follow your own drumbeat and you’ll always have an amazing life.
Peace
