You’re the one who kept pushing

Dear L,

You were the one who kept pushing, not me. I never wanted more till you showed me what it felt like and I’ve never wanted any less ever since. Remember when you taught me that everyone could do fifty push-ups it was doing fifty one that amazed people. I got hooked to exceeding expectations, to amazing people, it felt so good back then. I broke my body and spirit to prove I was more.

But you’re sick now and I’m scared, maybe you pushed yourself too much, too hard and I’m scared of doing the same. I’m scared of turning into you L. Each time you made me set the bar higher till I ran out of rungs on the ladder. And now that I am this high up I realise there is only one way to go and that is down.

I wonder if you knew this all along, maybe you did and you still pushed me along.

I thought you were my friend. Do friends do that?

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