Covid and Me

He sat across from me, arms crossed and regarded me dispassionately from beneath the brim of his dark grey fedora. His tailored, pinstriped suit matched the hat, and he wore a red silk tie, the very picture of a 1940s mobster with a dash of modern flair.

Six months ago, he had been a nobody. Then he had been a dark horse. When his operation emerged from Asia and quickly picked up speed in Europe and the Middle East, we knew we were dealing with something new. Now he’s taking America by storm.

Meet Covid. The man whose name graces the lips of queens and peasants alike the world round. He’s sitting down with me at Harth (a local cafe and coffee house where the pastries are out of this world and the coffee is on the house) to answer some of the questions America — and the world — have been dying to hear.

Me: “So, Covid. Could you tell us a little about how you did it? I mean, a year ago no one even knew your name, and now you’re at the top of Google’s search term list. That’s remarkable.”

Covid: “I didn’t. You people did it for me.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Covid: “People listen to loud things. That’s really crucial to understand; it’s my ‘secret sauce’ if you will.”

Me: “You’re being cryptic.”

Covid [laughs]: “All right. The news about my operation has been out there for ages, since the very beginning. But it was quiet: the great and the powerful weren’t listening. The media wasn’t listening. Only a few: the researchers, the alarmists, the people whose job it was to hear, or who have been trained to listen through the rest of the noise. They listened and they spoke, but because what they said wasn’t echoed by the powerful, the performers, no one listened.”

Me: “I often find that to be the case. The facts — the truth of a matter — is largely irrelevant in public discourse. If someone popular, famous, or in authority doesn’t state it, it isn’t true. If someone, an ‘influencer’ does say something, it’s taken to be true without the need for proof. You think that played a role in the successful spread of your business?

Covid: “Sure. But that’s not all. When the ‘influencers’ as you put it did start to take an interest in me, they jumped on it like it was a publicity stunt, either hyping, downplaying, or downright misconstruing, playing their own game. And that meant I was free to play my own game too. Man, the panic in peoples’ faces; they’re all gonna ride that wave for years because it’s good for business.”

Me: “Are you saying there’s no reason to fear?”

Covid: “Nah, there’s reason for folks to be afraid for sure. It’s only a matter of time before I come knockin’ on the door of every man and woman in this country, if you know what I mean. But, sheesh, you’d think it was world war three out there with fools buying all the toilet paper and grabbing up all the gas masks and stuff. And for what? I’m not gonna take your TP. And your nurses are gonna need those masks way more than you are!”

Me [cautious chuckle]: “That’s reassuring I guess?”

Covid: “Self interest. There’s where it’s at, man. People only care when it starts to impact them. So I get a free pass in every country and every village until it’s too late for anyone to do anything about me. It’s like the saying: “I’ll care about it when I realize I should have cared.”

Me: “So what could the world have done to stop you?”

Covid: “Stop me? Nothing most likely. Have you seen my growth stats? But what they could have done is what they always should have done: distrust your influencers, evaluate the data as best you can, question everything, love your neighbor more than yourself. I mean, can you imagine what the US would be like if every person freaking out about my operation right now turned it around and decided to put their friends and neighbors first, to serve rather than be served, to give instead of taking, to smile, be kind, patient, and to love instead of fear?”

Me: “You’re saying that while we can’t really stop you, we can encounter you with grace, hope, and kindness? That sounds really personally costly and, frankly, just about impossible.”

Covid [shrugs]: “So is everything really worth doing, kid.”