I Resigned, Have No Income, And People Are Jealous

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

How, one might ask, is having no money attractive? Here is my story.

I was a professional architect for the past 5 years from two different companies. In each company, I gained my way to seniority. In this profession, experience matters a lot. How many times you sit still in front of your computer, modelling designs in SketchUp and drafting construction drawings in AutoCAD matters. How many times you stand under the sun, bathing in your own sweats to be squished for solutions on construction sites, matters. How many times you report to your boss about the projects progress, and how many times you go to your coworkers to ask whether they have questions or suggestions for the project, matters.

Through those 5 years, only 1 year was I felt happy with my job.

No, scratch that.

Only 1 year was I felt delighted with the tough experience of becoming an architect. It was because I knew this hardship was one of the processes to become better.

I won’t forget the happy moments of being together with my colleagues and my bosses, bonding with them, sharing stories, personalities, and quirks with them. I even still remember and appreciate how one of my bosses gave me relationship advices when we were on our way back from a meeting, and how the other boss listened to my experiences with mental illnesses while I was shedding some tears. I will forever respect them and know that I am here because of their kindness.

Being an architect is just not for me (I could go on about the whys, but not on this story). I’ve denied that for years because I enjoyed having my own paycheck and live alone, renting a place near the office, until there was an unfortunate event happened to my family.

Jumping to the present, I am now back at my parents’ house.

I’ve always had this passion towards the arts; abstract painting to be exact. And so, now that’s what I do. I have more time that I could juggle interests other than painting. Some of them are studying the history of art, doing charity works, learning about neuroscience, creating digital artworks, writing, while also building a business.

No, I have no experience with all those before. I just had a spark of interest, and decided to go for it because I have nothing to lose. And no, those interests haven’t given me any income because I just started it on late May and still trying to grab its surfaces.

But yes, people are jealous already. Maybe it is because:

I am creating for myself.

I didn’t even use the word “working” because for me, that word sounds like a responsibility, while I believe that what I’m doing is expanding myself.

I should not be worried about switching my focus from 9–5 job to 6–12 personal hustle.

It is because all of my interests are intertwining one another so there are no off and on button. And the domino effect from intertwining these interests is a more infinite ideas to explore all of them. Again, expanding ideas, expanding my abilities, and I grow rich with happiness because it feels like I am stretching my lungs for a longer breath, making it more resilient.

I am doing something most people are afraid to do.

Deciding to resign from what I’ve gotten quite expert in to start over on something from ground zero is scary. I was scared, and there were times when I failed to fulfill my expectations. But people are still telling me that they are proud because I did jump, which is the scary first step they don’t have the courage to.

My productivity is skyrocketing because I am doing what I’m interested in.

Sometimes I get lost in ideas and too focus that I forget to eat and losing sleep. But these hard works don’t deny the results, and people see that.

I think maybe, attractive people are those who are happy, and that our first impression is our facial expression, not our wallet?

But then, money could buy happiness.

Or maybe, attractive people are those who are confident; either with the amount of their income or the amount of their ability to expand ideas. For me, it is the second one. Maybe for you, it is the first.

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PERHAPS MAYBE

PERHAPS MAYBE

Challenging every discoveries into perhaps, questioning every stories into maybe.