A Heartfelt Thank You to a Different Kind of Musician

I was fortunate enough to see Howard Jones in concert again tonight. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen him now, but it’s always a deeply moving experience. Recently it has had much deeper meaning to me.
Over the past two years, I watched everything that I thought was constant in my life blow up. Through divorce, I lost the relationship to my ex-wife and children that I cherished and expected to last forever. Those relationships have been replaced with fundamentally different ones. In the introspection and life-reevaluation that followed, I found that I could no longer follow the faith of my upbringing, leading to the loss of my relationship to God as I knew him, and hence the loss of my relationship to myself as I knew me.
As I contemplated these circumstances, my identity, and the meaning of life, I found so much inspiration in the music of Howard Jones. It was a lifeline for me. I want to share with you some of the ways the his music has been there for me.
Is There a Difference? (Lyrics, Music)
Leaving the faith and traditions of my family, friends and community is a huge challenge. Learning things on my own that aren’t the same as what I’ve been taught is often terrifying. I find myself doubting every new idea, and doubting myself constantly. A few lines from Is There a Difference help me in those times:
Must I fear what others fear
What nonsenseDo we have to live in pain and fear
What nonsenseOther men are clear and bright and solid
I alone am drifting on the sea
Other men are sharp and clever and jolly
Restless like the wind
The meaning of this song is complex, and I’m still learning it. However, it comforts me when I question, and I feel like I’m drifting on the sea. I trust God to show me what I need to know, and it’s okay to learn it at his pace, whatever that might be. It’s okay if what I feel isn’t what others feel.
Love’s Never Wasted (Lyrics, Music)
(I’ve linked to the old, live version. The new, published version is different)
My marriage was a fairy-tale marriage. It was as perfect as could be. I felt like I poured all of myself into it and that together we had found heaven. When it shattered, I looked at everything I did, felt and was in it through a lens of suspicion and pain. What a waste of effort and energy and love, I thought. Many of the voices in my head and heart told me I shouldn’t make such a silly investment again.
My faith in humanity faltered, and I felt like I had wasted so much love on this relationship for nothing. I heard Howard in my head, reminding me that
Your love’s never wasted if that love is true
Cos all that you’re giving out
Will surely be coming back to you
In the strangest of ways
On your darkest of days
Cos all that you’re giving out
Will surely be coming back …to you
I know this is true, so I don’t give in to the voices. It’s very comforting to have someone assert so beautifully the exact truth that I need to face that particular darkness.
Tears to Tell (Lyrics, Music)
How do you deal with the ending of the most meaningful relationship in your life? What do you do when the strength of your love becomes the strength of the bitterness that wants to overtake you? How do you love someone as they walk away from you?
What is the greatest expression of love
To let go and wish well
But all these finer feelings have left me
What is the greatest expression of love,
To let go and wish well
But all these finer feelings have left me with tears to tell
Bitterness made the argument in me that if I couldn’t express my love the way I had expected to, I simply had to let it turn to bitterness and hatred. I never accepted that argument, but this song gave me a good counter-argument.
Fight On (Lyrics, Music)
You’ve probably faced times when you wanted to give up. I know I have. After my divorce, I poured all of my energy into my new job — into creating bonds with and between the people I worked with. It became my new identity. After a year and a few months, I lost that too. There were many times after this happened that I turned my head toward heaven, shook my fist and wanted to give up. My goal of making the lives of those around me better just wasn’t worth it, I often felt. In some of those moments, I heard:
Say it isn’t true
You gave up on your dream
Blinded by the spotlight
Falling through the screenYou got to be strong
And you go to fight on
For everyone
I was reminded that I don’t have to give up on my dreams. It’s okay if it’s dark and scary and hopeless right now because
There are times when the snowstorm hits
And everything becomes a blur of cold and white
Then you know that you must fight
And believe that mountains shift
And when the snowstorm lifts
You’ll see the sun and the moon so clear

Straight Ahead (Lyrics, Music)
Even when I feel optimistic and hopeful, there are constant countless questions and doubts about every path and every decision. The only sensible metaphor is that there are so many voices in my head. Well that makes me feel and sound crazy. But I’m not alone, and here’s one suggestion on what to do about it:
There’s a cast of thousands here, livin’ in my head,
All tryin’ to talk at once, saying I’m better off better off,
As I tread the tightrope, between demons and saints,
They gather round, but I fix my gaze.Straight ahead, through the storm,
Let it rage, let it pour down,
Straight ahead, somehow
I’ll walk on, and I won’t turn back now
Specialty (Lyrics, Music)
As I write this, I have a long list of traits about myself that I consider less-than-ideal. As I interact with other people, it’s often difficult not to compare myself to them with regard to these traits. No matter your circumstances, comparison is never healthy. Well, in Specialty, I’m reminded that
Who wants to compare
As if this was a competition
Leave that to teachers at school
Must preserve their tradition‘Bout time you realised
You are a specialty
There is no one like you
Spend your life worrying
‘Bout what you could have been
Can’t you like being you
This doesn’t prevent me comparing but it helps. The truth is, I am unique and special. I do like being me.
You’re the Buddha (Lyrics, Music)
As I work to build a new life, I don’t want to just fall in line and do as I’m told. I don’t want to become a drone in the corporate machine. There’s more. I’m more. The voices inside and outside my head have a heyday with this one.
So who am I so nervous and shy
To be brilliant and talented
It’s the light not the dark that frightens us most
And the power lies in our head
You playin’ small doesn’t help at all
The world need the things you give
Switch yourself on, turn the pressure onYou’re the Buddha, you’re the Christ,
You’re the Mohammed, and the Mother Mary
How blessed we are that the great spiritual leaders through history didn’t choose to fall in line! We all have important things to give. We won’t give those things by doing what’s comfortable or expected.
This is a small sample of the Howard Jones songs that have been meaningful and helpful to me.
If I’m fortunate enough to go to one of his concerts with you in the future, now you’ll understand why you might see a contemplative tear fall from my eye, while the rest of the crowd is cheering and dancing.
Thanks, Howard, for giving the world the things you give. Your effort to put uplifting, meaningful music into the world, even when the world asks for meaningless, catchy drivel, is truly inspiring.
