I WONDER WHEN MY DAD STOPPED MAKING ME WEAR DRESSES, MAYBE THATS WHY IM BROKEN
i wanna be like those pretty boys stomping
their feet echo in the chamber
a cry a heed to a world where people love then
i wanna be like those pretty boys breathing
nostrils flared
the toxic masculinity they hold in their arms as they flex their biceps
i wanna be like those pretty boys dancing
i want to fall to the floor and get up
i want to be like those pretty boys
an ocean
an ocean
i want to be an ocean
i want to be loved
i want to be respected
i want to be better by default
i want people to call me they
i want to have a flat chest
i want to be
an ocean
an ocean
i want
an ocean
to swallow me whole
i look down at the bridge and i see that river and its power
and i see the crisis line number
and i look down at the bridge and i see that river and its power
and i keep walking
i wanna be
i wanna be
i wanna be anything but this body
this trap
a trap
i wanna be anything but this voice and this hair and these maligned teeth and these overactive salivary glands and these allergies that made me lose 5 pounds cause all i could eat was almonds
i wanna be someone who doesn’t get happy from losing five pounds cause all they could eat were almonds
i want my dead bodies back
i wanna be a pretty boy
so all the dead bodies come back
so the lady in the bleachers yells
like she knows me
so a lady in the bleachers yells
like she loves me
i wanna make my family proud as a pretty boy
i wanna make my lover happy as a pretty boy
i wanna make my body stop this ache as a pretty boy
i wanna see all my problems solved by the virtue of being a pretty boy
i wanna give in to a corporation and sell my soul to be a pretty boy
and dance
and stomp
and breathe so hard my nostrils flare
as i carry toxic masculinity in my curled bicep
flexed
like my body
over yours
when you hurt me
when you hurt me
when you hurt me
i wanna be a pretty boy
to escape when you hurt me
i wanna be a pretty boy
to escape the hurt in me
