Astrology When No One is Looking

Aries March 21 — April 19
Eat food they deliberately dropped on the floor.
Taurus April 20 — May 20
Practice hula-hooping with no hula hoops.
Gemini May 21 — June 20
Slap themselves in the face.
Cancer June 21 — July 22
Place their boogers into a special locket.
Leo July 23 — August 22
Huff insect repellent.
Virgo August 23 — September 22
Recite platitudes to themselves in the mirror.
Libra September 23 — October 22
Take breaks from their psychotic breaks.
Scorpio October 23 — November 21
Behave normally.
Sagittarius November 22 — December 21
Grubhub a thousand dollars of dessert items, then cancel.
Capricorn December 22 — January 19
Yell racial slurs.
Aquarius January 20 — February 18
Same as Cancer.
Pisces February 19 — March 20
Nobody knows.