A man walks into Starbucks (2015/16 edition)

A man walks into Starbucks, closely followed by the shoes he’d been admiring in the window of the shop next door.

A woman walks into Starbucks after a recommendation from a friend on Facebook. She spins around for eight seconds and then blacks out.

A man walks into ten different Starbucks and finds John Oliver in every single one of them.

A woman walks into a fancy new Starbucks. By the time she’d made it to the front of the line, there was no coffee and a sign that read “402 Venture Debt Recalled”.

A man walks into Starbucks and someone blocks his way and says we have a newsletter and you should definitely sign up for it.

A woman walks into Starbucks and some media-types were debating whether the same coffee tasted better at Facebook Instant Starbucks, Apple Starbucks, AMP Starbucks, or Medium Starbucks.

A man walks into Starbucks and the barista gives a half-assed apology for last week’s sensationalist single-origin coffee, which was revealed (by a rival) to have been a blend of unsubstantiated rumors and poor fact-checking.

A woman walks out of Starbucks and someone from Taboola tells her You’ll Never Believe Which Ten Celebrities Ride Hoverboards.

A man walks into Starbucks and instead of serving him coffee, the barista says please please like this Starbucks on Facebook.

A woman walks into Starbucks incognito, and the stats team claims another unique visitor.