Leftovers — the real danger

I am working at home and they say most accidents happen within one mile from your house — little do they know that to a binge eater, most accidents happen at their own fridges!

Last night I made a curry and because I am on my own this week, there were leftovers. That means that there is lunch in the fridge. How is it when I open the fridge there is not only lunch but so much other stuff. Surely if there were just milk, eggs, cheese and a few drinks in there — I would be better?

The thing with leftovers and me is that they manage to convince me that they are ‘good food’ because they have been kept and when looked at in my head they are also free food (after all leftovers did not cost anything…). Odd huh?

So I almost guilt free can eat them — which then exacerbates the issues of over cooking, over shopping and ultimately over eating.

What i need to do I think is buy less, cook smaller meals, maybe 30% less than I would now and then when I have eaten what I can (after all limiting the plate size limits what you can eat) and immediately binning the rest — because no matter how driven I am to eat, I will NEVER go in the bins for food.

However today has some silver linings — I have been having a great dialogue with another group member. Someone who brings light and clarity to me when they speak. Someone who has all their lives battled against the binge and maintains this serenity that I envy and am drawn to like a moth to a flame.

I am working away, have stripped the bed, tidied the kitchen and am having a good day. I am neither sad or unbalanced, so at present to god I am thankful. I am not very good at preying, I can’t often think, yet I can ponder and think — I can in my head speak to God, a higher power and of course the woman I always speak to when times are tough… the delight that is mu dear Mother. I know these people are out there in the ether, they watch, they wait, they act and they help. I have got to learn to turn myself down a little bit in order that they turn themselves up.

I will re-heat the leftovers.

Tonight I will make some cakes for a photoshoot and promptly give them away to rule out a cake binge. I will finish the tub of ice cream in the fridge — I have now made it last 3 days. i will not replace it tomorrow and I am not going to eat the Cornetos in there either.

Remember life is about ONE day at a time, not a week or a month, but a simple day, an hour, a minute and a second. If I can fight the hunger for an hour, I can try for two and so on and so forth.

I am learning this. being addicted to something the body physically is unable to do without is a tough one.Tough, but not impossible.