Lots of walking…
So yesterday was Sunday and that is almost always a day of rest — well I say that because the days that I have a day of rest are few and far between.
I was looking after a friends puppy along with my own dog this weekend and we have done a lot of walking — well a lot by my standards at least. A lovely long walk in the woods yesterday followed by a coffee and fruit cake break… Then I realised that I had not taken my meds (at this time a conservative 7 hours late) and the sweats started, the fatigue, the loss of concentration… So a hurried drive 40 minutes home, take pills (which need to be taken on a full stomach) and a boiled egg sandwich later, I am crashed out on the bed with two puppies and a cat.
Woke up at 7, puppies still flat out, cat almost on my head, thought that I should get up and make dinner. So I made a curry, rather than binge the lot, I ate half. Well that is a lie, I dished up half, I left maybe 10 mouthful’s. After all I do not have to eat everything I put on my plate. I am 45 nearly, I will not be told off for wasting it.
Not that I ever was (from what I remember) when I was a child. There was no financial pressures around food so pretty much I could eat what I want. I do seem to remember that meals were always ‘large’ as kids. I think my mother, scarred by her own poor childhood thought it would be better to have lots of food around and give everyone plenty.
As we grew older, my father liked to put on a show whenever he could and throwing a dinner party where the table looked set to collapse was a favourite pass time.
Maybe that is where it came from — the need to feed everyone, to feed them ‘well’ and then the need to eat everything that was there.
Maybe, just maybe.
We may never know where it came from, much like my need to spend money and fill a house with crap… may never know.
Yet, I will try and find out what causes me to think that it is ok for us to eat such vast amounts of food… Try.
Today is just a day and we of over eaters anonymous know it is just a day and that it is one day at a time.
I attend a group — I am not going to tell you about the people there, because that would be wrong, these are people that go to be anonymous. yet the life experiences they share, they seem to resonate and make me realise that I am not the only one. That is what we are, not unique, not different — yet each one of us special, fighting our own battles, holding each others hands one day at a time because together we are stronger.