Craig David Is Unreasonable

Craig David’s Signature Song is legendary, but is it…reasonable?

Born in 1987, I spent my formative childhood years being promised, through movies and television, that the year 2000 would bring us Robot Butlers, Flying Cars, and Teleportation. I got none of those things. What I did get, what we all got, IN THE YEAR 2000, was “Fill Me In” by British crooner and owner of a pencil thin goatee, Craig David. Off David’s album Born To Do It, it was a smash. It won the Grammy for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance. It won us all a few dances at Spring Formals. “Fill Me In” is an excellent, important song. But is it reasonable?

It’s a song about young love, told from the perspective of Craig David, who is in love with his next door neighbor, and how he and his secret girlfriend attempt to hide the romance from her parents. It’s also told from the perspective of her parents, who have their suspicions that their precious daughter is dating the “boy next door.” The evidence they have is purely circumstantial. Now, Craig David seems like a charming, friendly, handsome kid. Why the girl’s parents would have any issue with him courting his daughter is never explained, but parents are like that sometimes. Even when they don’t know, they know. It does seem like if the young couple just told the truth, and if the parents just openly confronted the issue as opposed to pointing at various clues and pieces of evidence, this whole issue could have been settled. So the question is raised, who’s being more unreasonable here, Craig, or her parents? An oral history of the secret relationship between Craig David and his next door neighbor, as told by the parties involved.

CRAIG DAVID: “I was checking this girl next door, when her parents went out

Not a good start for Craig, to be honest. He makes it seem as though he was just sitting in his bedroom, more than likely with walls adorned with posters of Bell Biv Devoe and New Kids on the Block, staring out the window at his neighbor’s house. This is decidedly UNREASONABLE

“She phoned said, “hey boy, come on right around”, So I knock at the door, You was standing with a bottle of red wine ready to pour dressed in long black Satin and Lace to the floor”

The relationship comes into slightly better focus. Craig is not a peeping Tom. There are some syntax issues here, Craig starts the story using the pronoun “her” when referring to his neighbor and then switches to “you”, which is confusing, because I was NOT standing with a bottle of wine and wearing a black wedding dress. It’s to be understood that the young woman’s parents left, she immediately changed into a black lace dress and grabbed a bottle of wine and called her neighbor. The wardrobe change seems extreme and excessive, to say nothing of the alcohol. UNREASONABLE

“So I went in, then we sat down start kissing, caressing, told me about Jacuzzi, sounded interesting, so we jumped right in, all calls diverted to answer phone. Please leave a message after the tone”

To this point, Craig sounds at his most reasonable right here. If a woman ever calls you up and tells you to come over and when you’ve arrived, is wearing a black lace dress holding a bottle of wine, waste no time before beginning kissing and caressing. Also, have you ever been in a Jacuzzi? It’s awesome. I’ve never turned down a trip to the Jacuzzi. It’s always a very interesting proposition. For safety reasons, I’m docking a few reasonable points for JUMPING into a Jacuzzi, as they’re both lucky to have not sprained an ankle, but I can’t fault them for being excited. Finally, it seems as though they left a very polite outgoing voice mail. This whole section of the story is VERY REASONABLE.

“You know me and her parents were kinda cool, but they ran a fine line between me and you, we were just doing things young people in love do, parents trying to find out what we were up to”

Craig again suffers some syntax issues. *I* understand that he and her parents were cool, but they did not run any kind of line between me and Craig David. Splitting hairs though-his point stands: Her parents understand he is a good enough guy, and so he cannot understand their issue with him coming over as soon as they leave, drinking their liquor, and kissing their daughter in a Jacuzzi they paid for. It’s obvious Craig is not a parent. He is being very UNREASONABLE.

THE PARENTS: “Why were you creeping around late last night?”

They are her parents, she lives in their home. This is a totally fair question. REASONABLE

Why did I see two shadows moving in your bedroom light?”

I’ll be honest, this is bad parenting, I know this, and I’m not a parent. If you believe your daughter to be home alone, and then notice two figures creeping around her bedroom, you bust in there and you figure out what the hell is going on. You don’t just wait until she (hopefully) comes down for breakfast tomorrow to find out that she (hopefully) hasn’t been kidnapped. This is very UNREASONABLE.

Now you’re dressed in black when I left you were dressed in white, Can you fill me in? Calls diverted to answer phone, Red wine bottle half the contents gone, when I returned Jacuzzi’s turned on-Can you fill me in?”

I’m with the parents here. They left the house, came back, and their daughter was wearing a black lace dress, half-drunk, and left the Jacuzzi running. That’s bizarre on the dress front, mildly concerning on the wine front, and fiscally irresponsible on the water bill front. The parent’s concerns are REASONABLE.

CRAIG DAVID: “Whenever the coast was clear and she’d ask me to come out I’d say, “hey girl, come on right around. So she knocked at the door, I was standing with the keys in my hand to the 4x4, jumped in my ride, checkin’ in where nobody saw”

My sweet Craig, don’t be that guy. Don’t be that guy who gets to caress the girl of his dreams in her parent’s jacuzzi and then the very next time she asks you to come over you say, “nah come by here if you want”. And if for some reason she does come over, don’t be standing at the door, impatiently fiddling with the keys to your truck. Let her get settled. It’s tough work climbing out of a bedroom window undetected. Let her relax. Don’t be UNREASONABLE.

“The club we went in We got down bounced bounced to the rhythm.Saw it was early morning, thought we’d better be leaving”

This is all innocent fun. Good for them. Go to a club, dance like no one is watching, lose track of time, and decide to get home when you realize how late it is. This actually sounds like a blast. Wish I could have been there. After a rocky start, date number two seems VERY REASONABLE. I hope nothing weird happens before they get home.

“So I gave you my jacket for you to hold, told you to wear it because you felt cold.

This makes me very uneasy. Kinda seems like Craig just didn’t feel like holding his jacket, and then convinced the girl she was feeling cold so he could get it off his hands. Mildly concerning, and mildly UNREASONABLE.

“I mean me and her didn’t mean to break the rules. I weren’t trying to play your Mum and Dad for fools. We were just doing things young people in love do. Parents trying to find out what we were up to.”

I get that Craig. There’s no malicious intent behind the late night bumping or the late night grinding. Don’t worry. You really aren’t a bad guy. This is REASONABLE.

THE PARENTS: “Saying why can’t you keep your promises no more? Say you’ll be home by 12 come strolling in at 4. Out went the girls but leaving with the boy next door. Can you fill me in?

Again, as I just stated above, I don’t think Craig and this girl mean to do any harm towards anyone. But this is just rude and inconsiderate behavior. If you tell your parents you are going to be home by 12, be home by 11:30. Parents are notorious worry-warts. To “stroll” in FOUR HOURS LATE? That’s just a slap in the face. If you’re going to be late, call ahead. And if you aren’t going to call ahead, don’t “stroll” in. You come in, hat and hand, and you apologize until you pass out. The parents are angry, and that’s EXTREMELY REASONABLE

“Wearing a jacket who’s property? Said you’d been queuing for a Taxi, but you left all your money on the TV. Can you fill me in?”

Eh, this doesn’t seem like a huge deal. She’s home safely, and she obviously didn’t have to pay for transportation. This is a prime example of when your parents are mad at you for one thing, and so they’re mad at you for every little thing for the next two weeks, no matter how big or how small. A rare occurrence of the parents being VERY UNREASONABLE

Quick side note: I had a buddy in college, Mike, who loved to grill outside and drink beers. It was his favorite thing, Bar-B-Qing. Any time the weather got even remotely nice, he would go door to door, “Yo dawg, you ‘Qing’ today? We ‘Qing’??” I would almost always join him, and we would end up getting hammered on light domestics and eating cheeseburgers.

Now, I understand the parents are using “queuing” in the British way, meaning to be in line, or waiting. However, on the off chance they are using the word like Mike used to, then we have a big issue. If they caught their daughter tailgating A TAXI RIDE, then we have an potential alcoholic on our hands. All the sudden that half-bottle of wine becomes a lot more telling. In this case, the parents are back to being TOTALLY REASONABLE

CRAIG DAVID: “All they seem to do, Is be checking up on you baby, watching our every move. Think some day they might approve, baby?”

Honestly, Craig, the fact that you care about their approval means that one day, of course they’ll approve. You have a big heart, buddy. I think this question is REASONABLE.

So there it is. Two sides of the same story. As you can see, love is complicated. Parents worry about their kids. Kids love making out in Jacuzzis. This isn’t the first time in history we’ve seen such a scenario. It won’t be the last. In my opinion, there are no winners and losers here. Both sides are acting out of the same place, and that’s the heart. There is nothing more REASONABLE than that.