Pop Culture Proposals

Thinking about getting married? Take this quick quiz and get the perfect way to ask the perfect partner

It’s April, which means that the snow has melted and the grass is greener and the warmth has returned and love is in the air. It’s wedding season, a gloriously expensive time for the brave individuals who are ready to pair up and spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe one such person is you. Maybe you’re already engaged. Maybe you want to get hitched, but you aren’t quite sure how to ask. Well, luckily, you aren’t the first person to face this dilemma. The key to a perfect proposal is finding out exactly who you are as a person, and having a proposal that reflects that truth. This brief personality quiz will match you up perfectly to a famous pop-culture love declaration that you can take and hold and give away as your own. Choose the answers that best match the feelings inside of you. Good luck and congratulations!

Part One: The Relationship

What was your first date?

A. “That’s a good question. I’m glad you asked me because I’ve got a lot of thoughts on dating. The reason I was so attracted was because we shared, you know, I think the idea of a date has become so…commercial. I mean, why do we have to be sitting outside in empty bathtubs staring out at a sunset to be considered romantic? Why does a date HAVE to be so cliché? Dinner and a movie? That’s what, $100? I’d rather cook the food myself. Our first date was something really low-key. I think it maybe we just watched a movie I already owned. Something I’ve had on VHS for a while. Afterwards we took the bus to this cool little record shop and just walked around. Not to buy anything, just to kind of look around. It was romantic.”

B. “I’m not big on traditional dating. I like to cook my own food, so I don’t like going to restaurants. I don’t like sitting still, so I don’t want to see a play or a concert or anything like that. I like to be active. Get a sweat in. You learn more about someone in an hour of play than in an hour of work, you know what I mean? We went for a little jog and then we took a hike. Got to the top of a class two in about fifteen minutes. It was great.”

C. “Oh, thank you for including me. That’s really nice of you. We split a nice bottle of wine, something with a full body and that paired well with Brie, if I remember correctly. A few years ago for my 30th birthday I knit myself a blanket. We laid it out on the grass and traced the constellations with our fingers.”

D. “I forget, man. I just remember it was Saturday night we hit each other up and just went out. It was cool. Nothing else to do, might as well be together.”

What do you like most about your partner?

A. “Support. In the good times and the bad times. Willing to pick me up when I’m in a rut. A relationship is about sharing everything you have equally. I couldn’t be with someone who is stingy…emotionally.”

B. “Strength. Physical Strength. Enough race bibs to fill a file cabinet.”

C. “Punctual and kind.”

D. “Down to do whatever.”

Where did you meet/How did you break the ice?

A. “The Laundromat. I was short the quarters so I asked. It was the best question I ever asked, “Yo, do you have a dollar?”

B. “I was at the gym. I was actually there in the morning and it was empty but I ended up coming back that night for a pump. Asked for a spot. The rest is history. Didn’t need the spot, by the way.”

C. “My accounting firm holds a bi-monthly networking event at a local bar and grille. We got to talking about our portfolios and how I just switched to a ROTH IRA.”

D. “We were grinding to Peaches and Cream at the 112 Concert. The heat from the grind broke the ice, I guess.”

Where do you see the relationship in ten years?

A. “Hopefully we’ll have won the lottery, living in a nice mansion in Jacksonville. With a hot tub and a big ol’ boat. Ordering off the dollar menu every day, not because we have to but because we can.”

B. “With our child, running our first marathon as a family. I get choked up thinking about the little champ crossing the finish line.”

C. “I’d like to think we’ll have a modest, two bathroom colonial on the outside of the city. Something big enough for a small family but not so ostentatious that it’s a chore to clean. I’d like to have a nice little nest egg in savings and, fingers crossed, see a solid return on our investments.”

D. (Shrugs)


Part Two: Favorites

What’s your favorite color?

A. “Green.”

B. “Red, White, and Blue, baby. Three way tie.”

C. “Vanilla”

D. “Who has a favorite color? C’mon man, I’m getting old. Too old for a favorite color.”

What’s your favorite food?

A. “Ramen Noodles. Love them.”

B. “Eggs. Any day, any way.”

C. “My favorite food is probably lasagna. Yum! I love lasagna. It reminds me of Garfield. I love Garfield. He’s so funny. I read about his exploits every week in the Sunday funnies. We both do, it’s one of our traditions. We usually have lasagna on Sundays.”

D. “Peaches and Cream.”

What’s your favorite song?

A. “Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin”

B. “Anything on Jock Jams Volume 2. That’s the best one.”

C. “Someday We’ll Be Together by the Supremes”

D. “Touch of Grey by the Grateful Dead”

What’s your favorite animal?

A. “My roommate has a snake named Jeff. Jeff’s pretty cool. I’d say Jeff is my favorite animal.

B. “Tiger.”

C. “My favorite animal is a kitty.”

D. “I like all animals. I don’t really think about what’s my favorite one. Every animal I see, that’s my favorite one.”


Part Three: Word Association

Fiscal

A. “Pass.”

B. “And Ebert.”

C. “Responsibility.”

D. “I actually have to go, I can’t wait around for the rest of this.”

America

A. “Free”

B. “Strong”

C. “Satisfactory”

D. (Has Left)

Bench

A. “Bed”

B. “Press”

C. “Supreme Court”

D. (Has Left)


Congratulations! You made it! You’re ready to propose. Let’s see what pop-culture proposal fits you and your relationship the best.

If you got mostly A’s…

You are: Seth Rogen in Knocked Up! You’re poor. You don’t have a lot of money, if you have any money at all. You don’t appear to have any intentions to make any money either. You’d like money, sure, but that involves work, and you aren’t all the way interested in doing work. That’s fine, though. Money can’t buy happiness and money can’t buy love. At least you know your partner loves you for you.

The Proposal: “I’m sure this isn’t how you pictured it exactly, and it’s not how I wanted it to be but…that is why I’m presenting you this empty box.”

If you got mostly B’s…

You are: Rocky Balboa in Rocky II! You’re a big, dumb, lovable meathead. All you really care about is one-rep maxes and working out and personal bests, but if there’s one thing you love more than taking mirror selfies while flexing, it’s the person you’re about to marry. That’s beautiful, you moron.

The Proposal: “What do you think you’re doing for the next forty or fifty years? I was wondering if uh, you wouldn’t mind marrying me very much. If you wouldn’t mind marrying me too much.”

If you got mostly C’s…

You are: I Second That Emotion by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles! You sweet, sweet, fiscally responsible and emotionally withdrawn nerd. You’d love to shout your love from the rooftops, but you don’t want to cause any sort of disturbance. Just like the shirt, tie, and smile you wear to work every day, your proposal is neat and buttoned up and exceedingly polite.

The Proposal: “If you feel like loving me, if you have the notion, I second that emotion. If you feel like giving me a lifetime of devotion, I second that emotion.”

If you got mostly D’s…

You are: Let’s Get Married by Jagged Edge! You’re cool, a little too cool. You’re laid back, way too laid back. You’re choosing to get married because it seems like a good idea at the time and because you can’t think of anything better to do. You may as well tie the knot before you get too old.

The Proposal: “Meet me in the altar in your white dress. We ain’t getting’ no younger, we might as well do it.”