Usher, Uniquely Unreasonable

Ush takes home a certified lunatic in “Yeah!”

Just as Hemingway wrote of masculinity, nature, and the occasional power struggle between the two; just as Scorsese tells stories of violence and conflicted anti-heroes, Usher Raymond IV has made his life’s work crooning about having sex in nightclubs, awash in overpriced, watered down drinks, under the pulsating glow of a strobe light. He turned “Love in this Club” into a two part ordeal; Scorsese managed Raging Bull as a single volume. His most famous song about consummation in a disco is probably Yeah!, released in early 2004 as a single off Confessions. It’s a smash. It’s infectious and likable from the very beginning of Lil Jon’s feel-it-in-your-gut beat, and it gets more fun from there. The question still remains though, how reasonable is its story? To find out, we asked the parties involved. An Oral History of Yeah!

USHER: “Up in the club with my homies, tryna get a lil’ V-I, but keep it down on the low key, ‘cause you know how it feels.”

I’m not going to knock Usher for this. In 2004, he was a wildly successful, dashingly handsome, smooth dancing, R + B superstar. If he wants to go to the club to meet women, I can certainly understand that. I can also understand a man of his stature wanting to keep this behavior on the low key, because Usher’s romantic life comes under significantly more public scrutiny than yours or mine. This is REASONABLE.

“I saw shorty she was checking up on me, from the game she was spittin’ in my ear you would think that she knew me. So we decided to chill.”

Again, this whole encounter appears to be on the up and up. It probably happens thousands and thousands of times, every weekend, in clubs across America. Guy makes eyes at girl, girl makes eyes at guy, a conversation is started, and they decide to chill. This interaction is TOTALLY REASONABLE.

Conversation got heavy, she had me feelin’ like she’s ready to blow! She’s saying, ‘come get me! Come get me!” So I got up, and followed her to the floor. She said, ‘baby lets go.’”

I’m not going to completely turn on Usher here but we’ve come across our first red flag of the evening. Keep in mind, Usher is Usher. He could probably sleep with any number of the women in the club that night. Just minutes into the conversation, he notices that this particular girl is almost “ready to blow” before she starts shouting at him to chase after her. Usher could have stopped, thanked her for her time, checked his watch, and said something like “Oh no, I’m so sorry. I told Lil Jon I would find him in a half hour if he hadn’t come back. He always gets stuck talking to the club promoter at this place. I told him we should have gone someplace else. I’m going to go grab him. If I don’t see you, it was really nice meeting you.” Instead, he follows her to the dance floor. This is an UNREASONABLE move by Usher.

Shorty got down low and said come and get me.”

This is the third time in 12 seconds she’s told Usher to come get her. UNREASONABLE

I got so caught up I forgot she told me her and my girl used to be the best of homies. Next thing I knew she was all up on me screaming:”

Bad on multiple fronts. They’ve only known each other for about two minutes. He shouldn’t be forgetting anything from two minutes ago. He also should have maybe recognized her, as the girl is apparently his current girlfriend’s ex-best friend. She’s now about to begin screaming at him. Also, the phrasing “best of homies” is downright UNREASONABLE.

GIRL: “Yeah!”

Now, from the girl’s perspective, shouting the initial “Yeah!” is totally fine. She’s just secured a dance with Usher! Good for her. Her excitement is TOTALLY REASONABLE.

Yeah! Yeah!”

Well, Usher is a HUGE star who is also very handsome and wealthy. We will give her the benefit of the doubt here. Three “Yeahs!” is FAIRLY REASONABLE

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

Good God women. Now you’re just literally screaming the word “Yeah!” at Usher. You screamed it TWELVE TIMES. That’s WILDLY UNREASONABLE

USHER: “So she’s all up in my head now.”

She did just scream at you twelve times in a row, Usher. The fact that she’s all up in your head is EXTREMELY REASONABLE

“Got me thinking that it might be a good idea to take her with me because she’s ready to leave.”

What?!? You think that’s a GOOD idea? UNREASONABLE.

“But I gotta keep it real now, because on a one to ten she’s a certified twenty, but that just ain’t me. Hey. I don’t know if I take that chance, just where it’s gonna lead, but I do know is the way she dance makes shorty alright with me. I’m just like yeah, work that out for me. She asked for one more dance and I’m like yeah, how the hell am I supposed to leave?

I like the way Usher kind of tosses his arms up here with the “Hey.” It’s like he’s saying, “look man, I get it. She’s screaming at me. But she’s a 20. You’ve never even talked to a 20, so don’t tell me that you’d just leave her there on the dance floor.” He seems to understand that she may cut him in his sleep, but he’s willing to risk it. I find this UNEXPECTADELY REASONABLE.

GIRL: “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

Almost too afraid to speak the word UNREASONABLE.

LIL JON: “Hey, Luda!”

Lil Jon has just seen his friend and colleague, Ludacris. Saying hello in this situation is REASONABLE.

LUDACRIS: “Watch out! My outfit’s ridiculous, in the club looking so conspicuous”

I like a self-aware man. He knows his outfit is a talking point, and he’s upfront about it. That’s the mark of a man who is QUITE REASONABLE.

“And rawr! These women all on the prowl, if you hold the head steady, I’ma milk the cow.”

A dairy farming reference that is out of place, unexplainable, and VERY UNREASONABLE.

“Forget about game, I’ma spit the truth and won’t stop until I get them in their birthday suits. So gimmie the rhythm and it’ll be off with their clothes then bend over to the front, and touch your toes”

Ludacris is nothing if not honest. I feel like the women would appreciate this about him, knowing where they stand at all times. I think this approach to dating is UNDERRATEDELY REASONABLE.

“I left the Jag and I took the Rolls, if they ain’t cutting then I put them on foot patrol. How you like me now, when my pinky’s valued over three hundred thousand.”

Having the smallest, most insignificant digit on your finger be valued higher than the average median income in America is FISCALLY UNREASONABLE.

Let’s drink, you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like Double D’s.”

He’s driving. Irresponsible and LEGALLY UNREASONABLE.

GIRL: “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

About to go home with Usher and his fiscally irresponsible, drunk driving friend. Still screaming “Yeah!” at the top of her lungs. This woman needs to be committed. They all do. This whole night has become TOTALLY UNREASONABLE.

So there you have it. Usher, underratedly, unequivocally, uniquely, UNREASONABLE.