Wesley Snipes Has A Coat
Wesley Snipes is smiling, someplace. Of course, I can’t say this with absolutely certainty, because he could be sleeping or working out or maybe getting his teeth cleaned, but you have to believe he’ll be smiling soon. Why wouldn’t he be? Black Panther, possibly the most anticipated comic-book movie ever, owes him a small bit of gratitude. A hat tip for paving the way with Blade. The road from Blade to Black Panther was long and circuitous and sometimes appeared to move backwards for no apparent reason, but a good chunk of that road was paved by Wesley Snipes. I hope he’s happy about that. I hope he’s proud of that. Wesley Snipes has a great smile. It sort of turns down at the corners, frown-like, contemplative, as if he’s thinking of something, a secret, maybe the secret to his success, one he won’t reveal. Wesley Snipes isn’t interviewed frequently. He’s not in the movies so much anymore, save for whichever number Expendables we’re on right now. Somewhere in the teens, I think. He’s a tough man to pin down.
Wesley Snipes made a living as an actor by being incredibly charismatic, physical, charming. Perhaps best known as an action star, he’s shown an underrated range to play athletes, drag-queens, half-vampires, and jazz musicians. He’s also something of a cinematic fashion icon. Consider Sidney Deane’s iconic hard-top hoop fits, the deranged, futuristic farmer look of Simon Pheonix, Noxeema Jackson’s muscular pigtails. He’s a chameleon. Mysterious. Perhaps the best way to understand what Wesley Snipes is thinking or doing or thinking about doing is to look at his jacket. Believe it or not, Wesley Snipes has shown an uncanny and impressive ability to choose the perfect coat in his scenes, one that immediately conveys to the viewer everything they need to know about what’s unfolding.
I mean it. Let’s Consider:
Michael Jackson’s Bad (1987). Snipes co-stars as Mini-Max, an old friend of the protagonist, Daryl, played by Michael Jackson. Daryl, formerly part of Mini-Max’s D-List (at best) criminal crew, no longer wishes to be “bad”. Mini-Max does not like this. Non-violent, mildly-threatening choreography ensues before the two reach an uneasy truce.
Jacket Description: It’s a long, brown, suede coat with an open-breasted fur collar. The fur, also brown, also looks like an old car-seat warmer my grandmother owned than actual mink.
How Necessary is the Jacket?: Bad takes place almost entirely underground, so it’s unclear as to whether or not a long fur coat is necessary, given that we don’t know the weather situation above ground. However, almost every other character in Bad is wearing a jacket, so it’s safe to say that the jacket is primary for function over fashion. VERDICT: Totally Necessary, the Perfect Amount of Necessary for Mini-Max as played by Wesley Snipes
What Does the Jacket Tell us About Mini-Max: Mini-Max is the leader of a group of petty thieves. A gang, sure, but a gang more interested in Village People-ing than People Pillaging. Snipes needed a jacket to illustrate that he was in charge, but he wasn’t some kind of advanced, dangerous criminal mastermind. A regular jacket offers no character development. A man in a true fur coat is probably not going to be part of any type of gang that spends it’s time in a subway. It’s a smart, realistic coat choice. Mini-Max is also remarkably sensitive-the root of the disagreement between him and Daryl is that Mini-Max misses Daryl. Snipes needs a jacket to illustrate his sensitivity. The fact that the fur is faux shows that Mini-Max is sensitive to animals, and so is more than likely sensitive towards humans, evident in the final scene where he and Daryl agree to disagree without stabbing one another with switch blades.
Major League (1989): Snipes plays Cleveland Indians’ flashy lead-off hitter and centerfielder Willie “Mays” Hayes. Hayes, at the outset of the movie, is a man that’s decidedly more flash than substance, and Snipes shows the audience just what kind of man Hayes is at the start of the movie when he shows up to Spring Training in a full suit.
Jacket Description: Smart. Only understated at first blush. It’s a well-tailored, double-breasted silver-gray suit jacket that lies over a gray and green checkered dress shirt with a matching green tie. A matching green pocket square sits visibly in his breast pocket.
How Necessary is the Jacket?: Functionally, not at all. It’s Florida, in March. It’s more than likely at least 80 degrees. Wearing a jacket in that kind of weather is foolish. Fashion-wise, statement-wise, it’s perfect. VERDICT: Semi-Necessary, the perfect amount of Necessary for Willie “Mays” Hayes as played by Wesley Snipes
What Does the Jacket Tell us About Willie “Mays” Hayes: Everything. Immediately. Hayes is the only member of the Cleveland Indians band of misfits to show up to Spring Training in a full suit, a flashy suit to boot. It fits him well. It’s clear he got the thing tailored. It has a pocket square. It’s clear that Hayes cares very much about his outward appearance. He doesn’t look like a man that’s going to grind out at-bats and try to work a walk, he looks like a man who’s going to swing early in the count, get on base, and steal bags. Hayes does just that.
New Jack City (1991): Nino Brown. A murderous drug kingpin that Snipes is careful to never make sympathetic, but always electric and dangerous.
Jacket Description: A long, black, fur coat that’s worn draped over the shoulders, like if Superman’s cape first belonged to a Grizzly Bear and then belonged to a charismatic, sociopathic drug-dealer named Nino Brown.
How Necessary is the Jacket?: In the scene shown above, it does appear to be at least somewhat cold-outside. It’s smart business to wear a jacket. It’s difficult to run a sophisticated drug organization if you are home with a cold. The question, however, is whether or not it’s ever necessary to wear a full length fur coat draped around your shoulders. VERDICT: Not Really-Necessary, the perfect amount of Necessary for Nino Brown as played by Wesley Snipes
What Does the Jacket Tell us About Nino Brown: Quite a bit, actually. See the rules on fur coats and criminals as seen above in the Bad section. Nino Brown is everything that Mini-Max is not. Nino Brown is capable of murder. Mini-Max is not capable of fist fighting Michael Jackson. Nino Brown orders people to sell crack-cocaine. Mini-Max couldn’t successfully orchestrate the robbery of an elderly woman. Nino Brown is a man who wants you to know just how powerful he is, and there is nothing that illustrates power and self-absorption more lucidly than a full-length bear skin coat.
Blade Trilogy (1998, 2002, 2004): Snipes plays Blade, a half immortal out to avenge the death of his beloved mother and defeat evil vampires.
Jacket Description: You know the one. It’s a long, leather jacket with a high, popped collar and a loose leather belt, so better to very-coolly swoop-spin and chop with.
How Necessary is the Jacket?: It’s extremely necessary. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to conceal to the outside of the world that you are a half-man, half-immortal out to avenge your late mother by slicing and dicing vampires? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to remain unseen until the last possible second when fighting vampires, who, may I remind you, only come out at night? It’s extremely difficult. Having a long, leather cloak, which also is very useful for concealing swords, bow staffs, and other various vampire slaying accoutrement, is so necessary. VERDICT: Impossibly Necessary, the perfect amount of Necessary for Blade as played by Wesley Snipes
What Does the Jacket Tell us About Blade?: It tells us that Blade is not a guy you really want to mess around with, and it tells you that right away. Here’s a bit of advice that my father gave me when I was a young boy. If you see a big, muscular guy wearing a full length leather coat and sunglasses after dark, stay the hell away from him. Odds are, a guy dressed like that certainly isn’t going to like you approaching him, and before you realize what a stupid mistake you’ve made, your legs are on main street and your head is on the sidewalk.
So you see? Wesley Snipes, a jacket of all trades.
