The ego is one of the most popular topics when it comes to self-development, self-awareness practices and spirituality.
We generally hear the ego being talked about in a negative light — something that controls us where we have little power over and should resist, repress and even destroy in order to advance forward to a greater state of happiness and possibility. It’s seen as a problem within ourselves.
Your ego (otherwise known as your sense of self and is the accumulation of your entire life’s (up to this point) worth of experiences, emotions, baggage, trauma, issues, hopes and inspirations that affect the way you think, behave, react, feel, and express yourself.
A lesson I was taught to truly understand and have a healthier relationship with the ego is to replace the word ‘ego’ with the word ‘script’.
The Ego is Not Your Enemy
By referring to the ego now as your script, it puts you in a place of power, understanding that you are the author of your own life and you have the ability to rewrite your script when you understand it better and how it works which we’ll discuss in more detail below.
Your ‘script’ is simply doing its job to protect your belief of who you think you are and transform those beliefs into real life experiences.
Do you keep telling yourself that you’re a shy person and have a hard time interacting with others (when deep down inside you truly do want to connect with others)?
Well guess what — your script is going to confirm that by holding you back and not allowing you to feel comfortable in expressing yourself and approaching or connecting with others because this is the script you’ve given yourself and have reaffirmed to yourself over and over again.
Your identity and belief of who you are doesn’t say that you’re a person who loves to meet other people and wants to freely express yourself and connect with others, so your script is going to panic if you attempt to stray from the script and all of a sudden be a totally different person that your script doesn’t recognise.
Sometimes Our Scripts are More Difficult to Notice
Some parts of our scripts have been formed from a young age and we don’t have much memory of exactly when and how they formed, yet they affect our lives and thinking processes now.
Maybe you tell yourself not to take risks, not to get out of your comfort zone without realising that it’s an unconscious way of protecting yourself from disappointment and judgement from others — many people pick up this part of their script from a young age without even realising from parents and the schooling system.
They get praise and applause for studying hard and getting good grades yet get scolded and frowned upon when they study and try just as hard but don’t get good grades.
Their script learns that if they do and follow what your parents and society want and follow what most other people are doing, they’ll be safe and won’t be scolded, frowned upon, judged or anything negative. They unconsciously seek this external validation from others to make sure that they are still loved and seen in a positive light, to protect themselves from the scary space of being scolded and frowned upon as a child.
Understanding Your ‘Script’
Your script is not trying to hold you back from happiness and living a life of contentment and it is not your enemy but simply a process that does it’s job to protect your identity of who you believe you are.
Your ego is not something that can be killed as many spiritual teachers may preach. Some may truly believe that they have killed their ego and are now in a state of oneness, at peace with all things. Well guess what again? That is now their new script that they are at one and at peace with all things (the ego/script still existing, but the person simply just believing it’s gone).
The ego/script is part of us and isn’t something that can be destroyed or switched off, even if we believe it were so. If someone had their heart broken and believed that they are now cold, heartless and no longer capable of loving again, that’s not true — they can believe that, however they are still capable of love, regardless of what they choose to believe.
How Do I Change My Script?
We generally are looking to change parts of our script which are undesirable, the parts that actually do hold us back from who we ideally want to be and in order to change something, you must first be aware of it.
“You can’t heal what you can’t feel.”
This is where practises like meditation can help us to reflect and become more aware of ourselves.
Another way is to simply try and catch yourself whenever you start doubting yourself, thinking negatively, when you act or react in a way that’s undesirable and acknowledge that this is part of your script and that you have the power to change it with the way you talk to yourself.
Change doesn’t happen overnight and repetition creates mastery.
The more times you tell yourself and believe in a more positive thought about yourself to replace the negative thoughts with, the more that thought gradually integrates and becomes part of your new script.
Understand that it takes time and constant re-affirmation to gradually rewrite your script.
In my next post I’ll be talking about How to Use Mantra’s to Rewire Your Mindset — stay tuned (I’ll post a link below here when it’s ready)