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I have more questions about this. So many more.

  1. Was the dildo thrown at a specific player/team? Like, is this a disgruntled local to Buffalo, or was he waiting for the Patriots to come to town to throw a dildo at them? Did Chris Hogan fuck your wife or something?
  2. Which is more likely: Bills fans continuing to throw dildos, or the Patriots having dildos thrown at them in all stadiums going forward?
  3. How did this dildo-thrower spend what must have been a ton of time planning this dildo toss and NOT throw the dildo in the vicinity of Rob Gronkowski?
  4. How would Rob Gronkowski have handled himself if a dildo had been thrown to him in the end zone? Would he have Gronkspiked it?
  5. If a Gronkspiked dildo bounces back into the stands, what is that dildo worth at auction?
  6. If the NFL has to respond to the dildo incident, will they refer to it as a fan’s dildo? Or will they use the indefinite “a dildo” so as not to imply ownership?
  7. There’s video out there from right behind the dildo thrower; how has nobody yet been identified?
  8. When (not if, when) the dildo-thrower is identified, will The Ringer be sponsoring his/her AMA?
  9. Do you want to be dildo-famous, dear dildo-tosser?
  10. How shocked will Shea and everyone else be if said dildo-tosser turns out to be a woman?
  11. Millions of people watched the dildo tossing live on Sunday, most of them in the colder areas of New York and New England. Will this affect monthly dildo sales?
  12. Over the next few days, how many people are going to pretend not to know what a dildo is when this topic comes up?
  13. If you could hit any NFL player with a dildo, who would be the most entertaining? Would it be Eli Manning? It’s totally Eli Manning.
  14. Was throwing the dildo into the end zone the primary plan, or was the plan to throw it at Rex Ryan, only to be thwarted by Ryan not coming close enough to your seats? Was this a last minute adjustment?
  15. Did you practice throwing the dildo beforehand?
  16. If you could do it all over again, what, if anything, would you change about this experience?

Okay I quit. For now.

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