The germanic compound word for suicide is ‘selvmord’ which literally means ‘self-murder’. Although the language we use to speak about something is unlikely to dissuade a suicidal person (god knows by that point you’ve reached the end of the line – I know), but contained in that phrase is the gravity of what’s at stake. If you asked a depressed person to fantasise about killing another person or say a child, they above all the people that would recoil in horror. But then flip that around – Is suicidal ideation then still permissible? Once I questioned that assumption – that the rule for me was different than for another person, suicidal ideation fell apart. I was a child once too. I’m a person. If I couldn’t imagine such an act on another person, I had to find some compassion for myself: flawed, vulnerable, once a child – not deserving of murder at my own hand.