24 years ago, I can remember driving home from university, and the programme I was listening to on the radio had a bit of an interview with Lenny Kravitz, just before playing “I’m Gonna Stand By My Woman” and he said that music helped him express his feelings.
Many a time, it has been said that straight men gravitate towards women like their mothers and straight women towards men like their fathers. The fact that I have Asperger’s and my mother doesn’t would ensure that such a relationship would be explosive if put into such a context.
I can remember once, speaking to somebody, who said, “You tend to analyse your feelings, rather than describe them.” It’s true, though, asking me how I feel is like asking a deaf person to describe the difference between Tchaikovsky and Thin Lizzy.
Often times, if I am asked about my feelings, I tend to reference song lyrics, in much the same way as Lenny Kravitz writes them, and if I had a partner, I would not tell them I love them, I would hand them my 101 Love Songs 5 CD compilation and say, “Disc Three, Track Three,” meaning Jessica Simpson’s “I Wanna Love You, Forever,” which, while it is a song I play on a journey to a particular place and at a certain point, it describes something. Or, I’d say, a Tunisian-born man by the name of F. R. David has a message for you on my behalf, namely, “Words, Don’t Come Easy.” Words can, for me, but feelings can’t.
Even my idea of a marriage proposal (yes, I’m a bachelor) would be convoluted and have my partner driving to a place described as “Lower than an Arch-, higher than a Minister, in the Catholic and Anglican Churches,” followed by, “An engineering feat spanning a river to allow crossing,” followed later by, “Tarzan’s Girlfriend,” and finally, “Behind the stones, above the bones, for the box without a lock,” an idea I remembered from a detective story by a ghost writer for Alfred Hitchcock and the Three Investigators that I read 31 years ago.
My mother, if confronted with that, would throw the piece of paper at me and storm off.
Essentially, for us verbal autistic folk, patience is important, as we can be very giving people, it’s just like F. R. David says, when it comes to feelings, “Words, Don’t Come Easy.”