Pete’s sarcastic guide to a mass shooting’s

This piece I’ve been sitting on for quite a while now I wrote it months ago. I decided to post it even though there are no mass shootings in the national news yet……Now we are in an era with the rise of ISIS, and we talk about those Barbarians in the other side of the world, I hope we don’t forget in America we have some pretty crazy things happening also.

According to the website this year we are averaging a mass shooting a day in the United States. It’s a phenomenon we all know is pretty messed up but I think unless you or someone you know is the one being shot; it is something we all accept now as part of the American Culture. Since the next mass shooting will likely be tomorrow, hear is the 10 step sarcastic guide on what will happen.

Step 1. Shock and outrage as the shooting occurs. Likely to be national coverage if it’s a new type of shooting. Which mean sorry Murder-Suicide news stories. They all sound too much the same. It’s just someone shooting a bunch of people then killing themselves. Have you not seen all the shootings that have occurred the past few years? We need the mass shooting story to stand out if it is going to go national. Come back to us if its someone famous is involved or killed or something really Fucked up happens before or after the shooting to make it interesting. If it bleeds it leads….

Step 2. The community wonders how it could possibly happen. Are things getting worse?

Step 3. The news media 24 hrs release detailed sometimes accurate information on perpetrators or victims. The media makes sure you remember the shooters name never the victim (unless the victim is important or famous as hell)

Step 4. National Media latches on sensationalistic aspect of the story racism, confederate flag, live news reporters getting shot, school children getting shot, the shooter was Muslim, the shooter was young, the shooter was old, the shooter was a woman, the shooter was gay, the shooter was transgender, the shooter wore a clown costume, the shooter targets Christians, there was a major shooting at a high school, there was a major shooting at a college, the victim was shot in the back running away, the victim was shot while asleep, the victims were in a church meeting, A baby shot a dolphin, a dolphin shot a teenager, the shooter targets Muslims, the nuns were praying while they got shot, the shooter had an assault rifle, the shooter had a grenade launcher, the victim was a Congressperson, the victims was policemen, the victim was a judge, the victim was a priest, the victim was Jesus Christ, the victim was a baby, the victim was a celebrity, the shooter target’s Target, the shooter was dressed in BDSM outfit, a little girl shot a gun range instructor, people were shot in a theater, people were shot in a box, people were shot by a fox, people were shot in a car, people were shot in a bar, people were shot here and there. A person who is shot somewhere new, it’ll be reported everywhere.

Step 5. Well what about Gun Control?

Step 6. Second right amendment argument comes up. People debate about their rights to a gun and about their rights to the Constitution, a document since it’s was founded said, We the People shall make no changes or interpretations of it, as we take situations and ideas that occur in that context many years ago and apply it to how we see today’s settings, and taking historical context is for idiots. NRA suggests arming more people up in situations including pastors, teachers, and Sea World workers against those Goddamn Dolphins who keep on shooting teenagers. We hear we should enforce the laws that we already have. Someone brings up that Gun Crimes are down in the past 20 years. Yet they may or may not bring up Mass Shootings have been way up in the past 20 years also. People who play a lot of video games say if I was there I would have shot the shooter while not realizing they are subtlety insulting the victims by calling them pussies indirectly. The people with more guns ignore the fact that people in your own household are more likely to get shot than a person shooting anything else and ignoring the fact that most people use guns for recreation than ever for self defense. Also ignored are the many past shootings that occurred against policemen and the Two that occurred at Ft. Hood Texas, one of the largest US Miltary Bases in the Country. A rare shooting that is stopped by someone with a gun occurs or occurred and someone post that story on Facebook Twitter and other social media. We hear we don’t want government to intrude on people’s rights to own guns. Someone brings up Jefferson or Madison who said we should have the right to take out the government if we need to. Those people dream of storming Capital Hill. Those same people ignore the fact government has a swarm of missiles, tanks and drones. Republicans leaders and Republican Media call Democrats a bunch of unstable pussies. Pisses Democrats off. Democrats leaders and Democratic media call Republicans a bunch of ignorant crazy cowboys. Pisses Republicans off. 24 News Cycle talking points shout the same arguments from both sides. To give a simple recap they all say It’s the other side’s Fault.

Gun sales skyrocket after mass shooting.

Step 7. Well what about mental health? Most of those people who commit mass shootings have had some visible warnings about the mental health. Many have drug problems, serious physical and mental issues, that have run unchecked. Many have drug problems, many shooters been abuse victims and have psychological issues and have committed minor crimes, or had minor incidents that go unreported. Some people say lets lock up more people. Someone says if we took all the 10 trillion guns away it would make a difference. Someone says if we just execute people a lot more and/or a lot faster it will make a difference. Should we have private prisons that operate and profit off people getting locked up? Should we set bail for stealing pizza at 10,000 dollars? Should we lock someone up for 20 years for an ounce of weed? The land of democracy locks up more people than any other country in the world, as our goal is to have more cheap labor through prisoners than any third world country. After we release them, we give those prisoners so little rights and opportunities, making it hard for any con to survive on the outside and when they are locked back up we as a society look down at that person like the piece of shit that we say they are.
We continue our national past time of exploiting a large group of people in order to make the country grow. Slaves, Chinese train workers, immigrants in 19 early century, Mexicans and other people of Spanish descent, women, Indians, people with different sexual orientation, and in case this story ever went viral a group of people I forgot to mention, will write me about how I didn’t mention them and I’m being insensitive and offending some obscure organization.

Someone is sentenced to 20 years in prison for stealing a taco.

Step 8. Well what if we look what happens in the other countries in the world? We are literally the only modern society outside a war zone where mass shootings to this scale happen. Other places in the world have and continued to make a series of reforms across many sectors to try to prevent things like this from happening. Can we make some major changes to mental health, prison reform, gun reform, and what look at our culture and our cowboy past and question are certain values I hold ideal leading to mass shootings? Can we as a society realize this problem isn’t going to be fixed with one or two talking points, and everyone is going to have to make sacrifices and concessions from both sides of the political aisle to prevent any more mass shootings?

Step 9. Cost too much money, too much time, don’t want government intruding in my life, we need more government in our life, America is the #1 country in the world! I don’t trust those damn Democrats. I don’t trust those damn Republicans. If this story goes viral, couple sentences of this story will be taken wildly out of context. People will notice that some points in the story are not true, ignoring the fact that its not a damn citied research essay and therefore conclude everything in this story is untrue. My background will be searched, at least one or two people will tell media about the wild crazy asshole that I am, the media will raise me up, I get to go on news show, I inevitably say something stupid or something or someone from my past comes back to bite me in the ass. I will be bashed by the whole internet community, my mistake/flaw will be then used to justify those people original beliefs why they will not change. People are let down and my and my family reputation is destroyed because I am not the Messiah. Since I was not born in the US, and currently living in a foreign country I will hear I’m not a real American and say at some point its not about you being black and accuse me of playing the race card at some point. I will hear STFU quite a few times, I will gain some weight, grow a beard, and 5 years down the road will appear in a news story called what happened to so and so?

Step 10. Another shooting occurs that draws national media attention, repeat step 1, a new person will rise up and be destroyed in the media coverage.

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