I suppose it started with the end, the end of Master’s thesis, that is. By the end of it, I knew that architecture no longer appealed to me, but I was hoping for a reconciliation. Hoping that somehow I’d rediscover a spark that would reinvigorate whatever passion I had. Instead, the past year has culminated in a slow but resolute realization that I am finished with my career in architecture.
I’ve always approached my studies as an opportunity to learn. My grades weren’t the priority and I’ve never picked a class because it was an easy A. For the most part, the ample history and theory courses in curriculum satisfied my curiosity. In a similar manner, design studios were free exploration sessions. Sure, the prof would set up the basic parameters, but students could take their own projects in whatever direction they wanted. By the time students reach their last year of study, they are given full reins to their project: the Master’s thesis.
The variety of chosen subjects ranged from abstract formal explorations to more concrete settings. Being that I was at the cusp of graduation, looking to enter the professional world of architecture, I picked the latter category of project. To me, architecture was never like the other arts. The physical dimension of space, of a built object has a permanence at a scale that goes beyond our awareness of it. A building will remain a component of the urban fabric, whether or not you choose to notice it. At a larger scale, this urban fabric can reveal so much of local culture, politics, and economy. Looking at a building historically is an immensely complex task, and trying to measure the impact of a new insertion in the urban fabric is an even more uncertain one. The question of the societal impact of architecture isn’t just one of determining “good” or “bad” architecture, it encompasses the agency of an architect; what role an architect plays at a larger, more abstract societal scale; and for me, what the point of being architect was.
So this is what the crux of my thesis rested on: to what extent does the agency of design affect a social context, can design actually affect change in society rather than just being an expression of it. It was a question that I took seriously throughout my thesis and kept me up quite often at night. The answer I found towards the end of the thesis was “no”. It broke my heart.
Perhaps I was naive, wanting architecture to be more than it was, wanting the role of an architect to really yu have a hand in directing what impact it has. Unfortunately for us, politicians and developers have a much more concrete and definitive say in that than we could ever hope to claim. I’m not trying to belittle the profession: architecture is still a dynamic field that combines creative thinking with a technical know-how of how to bring sometimes incredible designs to fruition. I still find this a very engaging quality about architecture. It was the realization that this process alone would not satisfy me that was the biggest blow. Through the lens of my thesis I came to the realization that what I poured time and heart into for the last five years would lead me to a career that would leave me deeply unsatisfied. The realization came fast and hard during my last semester. I took it less than ideally to say the least.
Coupled with the laughable pay, the thought of working an often thankless job, and the sometimes egocentric culture, I’ve decided it is time to quit. It took me a year to confirm and process that architecture was not what I wanted out of life.
