5 Twitter profiles you will probably have seen in the past week… and why to avoid them

In the aftermath of every terrorist incident there are certain people who you can rely upon to explode in a twitter storm of fury, posting vile, offensive, accusative or aggravating posts designed especially to go viral and spread far and wide. It’s no coincidence that a financial motive goes hand in hand with the infamy they seek, with many making a career out of being a ‘personality’ on social media. If any of them pop up on your timeline anytime soon, be sure to block them before prolonged exposure convinces you into thinking taking a heated cattle prod in the eyeballs is a reasonable alternative to the world of paranoia you’ve spiraled into.

Katie Hopkins

The undisputed queen of trolling, Katie Hopkins stole all the worst elements of American conservative commentary witch Ann Coulter, added a hefty dose of resentment for the working class and adopted the image of a divorcee who had decided to get into MILF porn to spite her ex-husband. Hopkins spawned out of her hell pit in 2007 with an appearance on The Apprentice (a proven breeding ground for the key political thinkers of our time), quickly establishing her persona of being an alpha-bitch set on amassing as much screen time as possible. Since a 2013 appearance on This Morning Hopkins has utilized every second in front of a camera to peddle hatred — often with the intention of it being directed against herself. When Hopkins was simply threatening to ban her children from playing with kids with lower class names (sounds like a pretty good deal for the other kids), she was little more than a minor annoyance that popped up on your newsfeed. However she has since graduated from the Richard Littlejohn College of Trolling to the Nick Griffin University of Utter-Cuntery. Since being hired as a columnist for Britain’s most despised newspapers The Sun and now The Daily Mail, Hopkins has seen fit to brand drowning refugee children as ‘Cockroaches’, falsely claimed an innocent Muslim family had Al-Qaeda links, and in the aftermath of the Manchester bombing, appeared to call for a Muslim genocide. Her favorite method of clickbait twattery at the moment is to immediately delete incendiary, hate filled tweets to allow herself an escape hatch from liable or legal action by claiming an error of judgement or typo — safe in the knowledge that screenshots of her tweets will go viral and pay off her mortgage anyway. It will never make Daddy go to her ballet recital all those years ago though.

Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan is a disgraced former newspaper editor, failed US chat show host, failed UK talent show judge, and has never even once been convicted of phone hacking (in the same way Lance Armstrong was never convicted of taking steroids). Piers can most often be found so far up Donald Trump’s arse that his feet are the only parts of his body that avoid an orange tan. His pledge of allegiance to President Small Hands seems to stem entirely from their time on Celebrity Apprentice (another one!) together, where Trump apparently treated him like a close friend. Considering that Trump has repeatedly promised to roll back US gun laws that Piers has strongly campaigned in favor of (one of Piers’ few positive contributions to the world), it makes you think that all Piers really wants in life is someone willing to look past his evil-Hugh-Grant-twerpishness who will invite him for a pint sometime. Piers’ determination to be the voice of reason after horrific events is surpassed only by his determination to make sure you’re hearing that voice in his Daily Mail column which he is sure to post about ten times per day. He manages to undermine almost every stance he takes with shameless self-promotion, even when his views are not as awful as his role as Trump’s submissive. If Piers is so desperate to prevent atrocities, he would be better served away from his pandering column — maybe he could help MI5 hack Jihadi’s phones?

Paul Joseph Watson

Paul Joseph Watson is the editor of infowars.com — a site famous for claiming the children murdered at Sandy Hook were really actors involved in an Obama plot to banish guns, and giving a platform for walking cardiac arrest-in-waiting fascist shock jock Alex Jones. Watson is a 35 year old man who spent weeks congratulating himself for ‘triggering’ imaginary liberals with his new twitter photo (left) that showed him smoking — mistakenly believing that left wingers are unable to process rebellious behavior (he probably didn’t factor in that most would be quite happy to see him develop lung cancer). He gains followers by tweeting hand-picked ‘stats’ about tragic events — such as the amount of Mosques in an area nearby where the Manchester bomber lived (fancy there being Mosques in a major population centre?). He also makes Youtube videos from his mother’s basement/studio packed with baseless speculation and misleading lies in the guise of ‘common sense’ — a little foreplay before he lubes you up for the ‘CIA is overrun with Satanists who are leaking chemicals into the water supply’ main event. Watson and Infowars are also barely hiding their adoration for Russia and alt-right senpai Vladimir Putin. Watson even temporarily abandoned support for Trump following the bombing of a Syrian Air-base… until he realized he was losing scores of his Neo-Nazi follower base and reneged. Ultimately Watson is another who makes a living monetizing fear — perhaps worse than Piers in that he goes out of his way to spread it himself. He, along with his infowars cohorts, benefit massively from the spread of xenophobia in times of disaster — every death is a dollar bill in their eyes. While digging deeper into infowars reveals laughable conspiracy bullshit, the anger that leads people to these sources is very real. Don’t follow Watson’s breadcrumb trail down the alt-right rabbit hole.

Tommy Robinson

Steven Christopher Yaxley-Lennon, better known as Tommy Robinson, is the former leader of the EDL who is in the middle of a reinvention as a ‘journalist’. His most prominent gig so far seems to be as a video host for ‘The Rebel Media’, a site that just last year posted a delightful piece titled ’10 reasons I hate Jews’. Another ‘just common sense bruv innit?’ type, Robinson invents facts to back up his ludicrous claims, such as Muslim gangs being in control of Prisons or 100,000 British Muslims being in support of the Manchester attacks. Quite where statistician Tommy is getting his figures from is unclear, but his conclusion is not unlike that of the EDL: there is a war in our country and everyone with a vaguely Arabic name is an enemy combatant. You might be shocked to find out that Tommy’s reform may not be quite as genuine as he’d have you believe, but openly inciting violence against Muslims based on anecdotes and stats he has pulled out of his arse paint the picture of a right-wing extremist more concerned with using tragedies to justify his own violent urges than solve problems we face.

Steve Brookstein

Winner of the first X-Factor and eternal pub quiz answer Steve Brookstein seems to have taken losing out on the ‘what does X look like now’ gig that ended when Never mind the Buzzcocks went off the air particularly hard. He is always seen spouting conspiracy nonsense following on from terror incidents. This time he has subscribed to the baffling idea that the Conservative party pulled off the bombing as a false flag operation in order to raise their chances of winning the upcoming election. Ignoring the fact that Labour’s chances of winning in 2 weeks are about the same as Rolf Harris’ chances of winning children’s entertainer of the year, and ignoring the fact that no evidence whatsoever has emerged that any other actor apart from the suicide bomber could have triggered the explosion, conspiracy theories about these events are just plain cruel to the families of the victims. The notion that ‘the real attackers are still out there’ is a heartbreaking idea to someone whose loved ones have been taken from them — and popularizing such ideas in the immediate aftermath is going to only distract from the actual cause whilst breeding resentment where it is undeserved. Despite what all your friends demanding you register to vote say, not everything is connected to the election, and not everything vaguely negative that happens in the world is a May-devised plot to make Jeremy Corbyn appear even worse than he already makes himself look. If you find yourself subscribing to the kind of shite that the likes of Brookstein spread, ask yourself; is this the kind of thing you’re likely to see if you peaked into a mental patient’s cell and saw written on the walls in their own excrement? If so, you’re probably best avoiding mentioning it in front of your friends. Just like you’re best not mentioning that you follow a man that hasn’t been a relevant celebrity since the world was worried about Iraq’s WMDs.