On Leaving Evangelicalism (The Short Version)
In a 2012 Rachel Held Evans wrote an eloquent blog about the middle ground between conservative and liberal Christianity. At the time, I found myself nodding along in agreement as she found herself confused — she didn’t fit in with conservative evangelicalism, but she didn’t fit with liberal mainline Protestants either. There was a certain sense in which she felt called to be a bridge-builder, caught in the in-between. At the time, I found myself drawn to the call to be a peacemaker at the crux of two very different approaches to a similar faith.
Of course, Held Evans got herself into a little bit of hot water from the conservative side of the fence when it became known that she was now attending an Episcopalian church, a mainline Protestant denomination. In a blog, she described the hurtful comments that she received, while noting that she was thankful for her upbringing as a conservative evangelical because that is where she first learned about Jesus. She turned then to acknowledge that many of her generation (and I count myself among that generation) are looking for something more than what evangelicalism has to offer. Indeed, it was personally freeing to know that I was not alone with desire for more.
I’ve since had the opportunity to meet Rachel Held Evans, to hear her speak passionately about why, despite all the challenges the label brings, she still chooses to call herself a Christian, even though she may no longer consider herself an evangelical. I met others at the Why Christian conference, curated by Held Evans and Nadia Bolz-Weber, from a variety of faith traditions that helped to reaffirm in me that despite all the things I dislike about conservative evangelicals, I still have a right and a desire to claim the title of Christian.
Today I happened upon another article, written by David Gushee, a respected commentator on religion in the United States. In it he advances the idea that it is time for progressive evangelicals and conservative evangelicals to recognize that there are too many differences to bridge, and that divorce is on its way. In a follow-up Q&A, Gushee notes that the theologies of the distinctive groups have evolved to be far enough apart that they may even be working off different ‘gospels’. While “conservative evangelicals mainly lean toward a Calvinist/Lutheran Gospel centered on Christ’s work on the Cross for the saving of souls, on biblical inerrancy and pure doctrine, and on conservative social values”, progressive evangelicals “tend toward a Radical Reformation type Gospel centered on the justice-advancing ministry and teachings of Jesus, and on his message of the kingdom of God as holistic salvation and social transformation.”
This is a sad commentary on the state of the divide between the two approaches to faith, but yet a one I can understand. I grew up in a Mennonite Brethren congregation, a denomination of Anabaptists that hew closely to the conservative side of the fence, and attended an evangelical bible college before going to university. Active in youth group and known to attend pro-life rallies, I also argued for a dominionistic approach to resource development while in Bible College. While on campus at the University of Waterloo I was active in the parachurch organization Campus Crusade for Christ, now known internationally as Power to Change.
At the time, my evangelical credentials were impeccable.
But things have changed.
I’ll never forget the moment I realized I no longer believed in literal, 6 day, young earth creationism. I was sitting at a computer lab in RCH a building on campus at Waterloo. I’d been procrastinating on a paper for my fourth year philosophy class and it was late at night. I was reading a blog of an anonymous someone who had gone to the same bible college I’d attended. While in university they realized that key components of their education were simply not true — they couldn’t be true.
I sat straight up, and realized for the first time that I too was like that former student. I too had been deceived, even if it was done with the purest of intentions. I was angry, because it felt to me that I was being forced to give up everything I believed in.
At that moment, I decided that my answer to the question “How did the world come about?” would simply be “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. How he did it is ultimately none of my business, but all the evidence suggests that God used evolution to do it.”
Ten years removed from that late night in the computer lab, I recognize that moment as a key moment in my life of faith. It was the moment I realized that the faith of conservative evangelicalism was simply too small —
The faith of conservative evangelicalism is the faith of eternal terror; in that moment my whole eternal life flashed before my eyes, begging me to stick with the black and white, with answered questions and settled theology. the faith of conservative evangelicalism doesn’t allow for questions, for doubts, for challenges. It was just Yes or No, In or Out.
I don’t fault Rachel Held Evans for leaving evangelicalism, despite the earlier post where she claimed middle ground. But I still think there’s a role for ex-evangelicals as peacemakers. As Held Evans says herself, “the response [to her moving to the Episcopalians] reveals something of the way we tend to think about our faith traditions — as systems to either accept or reject rather than little cultures that (for better or worse… or, more likely, a bit of both) indelibly shape how we think, who we know, what we fear and long for and love. For me, faith has never been a matter of conversion; it’s been a matter of evolution, of gradual change over time…”
While I still hold out hope for productive conversations between the two camps, I can no longer claim the label of evangelical as my own. The truth is that I don’t buy portions of evangelical theology (6 Day Young Earth Creationism, Eternal Conscious Torment, Inerrancy of Scripture) and have my doubts about others (Substitutionary atonement). I also find myself opposed to evangelical culture (purity culture, overt and aggressive proselytization, exclusion of LGBT persons), having left almost all its cultural ideals behind.
That said, even though I consider myself divorced from evangelicalism, I am hopeful that one day conservative evangelicalism can overcome its blind allegiance to the black and white thinking of systems we have to accept or reject. And I also trust that progressive evangelicals leaving their conservative churches, myself included, would recognize that the conservative tradition, for all of its failures, gave them the foundation for their evolving faith.
Finally, I hope that despite the coming divorce, we can still find a way to be peaceful with each other, to recognize that progressive or conservative, we all call ourselves Christians, followers of The Prince of Peace.
