Dealing with my past and “being broken” may never coincide, i sense what direction is provocative enough to avoid controversy.
my tattoo says it all, on Lexi
somewhere out there exists the person who saw me take the heat for their actions,
probably loved every second of it too.
all that and more is expected,
nothing said for a lot...
where I come in with experience, again.
the whole thing about it is stability and growth, both personally and as an individual.
That's how one acquires children.
Point being you all got me thinking its healthy to consider relationships at the level of affording life, of which mine is too contentious for comment on that front. In my mind, I have 4 mouths to feed so thats about as sad as I’m willing to get; beyond there, the 99.9% efficiency rate has let me down in the past. Part of being the furthest thing from punctual, let alone willing to be considered.
Can’t quite speak for people, esp. the ones who don’t know of themselves being discussed.
How am I supposed to address the state of my last long term relationship? Multiple years, as a first…
All I can say is people forget about plans of my own,
that is all.
Which is to say my situation is probably different,
and answers I am more than willing to give; albiet not on a personal level when it comes to professionalism.
Which pretty much works one way, and subtle at that.
Its like if I told you not only did I have a conversation about explicitly referenced material, but by multiple individuals I was told that whatever I had done was never going to work itself out; I would have known that making the move to KY with three people in the know, neither aware each other exist. That kind of separated mentality toward intimacy with romantic inclinations, to say the least.
[effectively leaves nothing going to my head, I only aspire to be a good writer…]
What started this is never having anticipated being single, if she must know.
that is a fact.
What else is there to say for having done what I did.
All she knows, for all I know, is she lost me at the text messages;
I've never seen that much shit talked about myself ever in this lifetime.
There is literally a whole dynamic to my experience of yours that begins, and ends, in Kentucky.
So, if we merely factor that part out at your leisure, figure its on the country somehow and realize not everyone gets along perfectly well… that still leaves that I never had any plans to accommodate for a telepathized life of my own, ever, period. So now the subject matter has changed, before your eyes.
I would actually have to be wrapped around someone's finger for any further procession along marital lines to progress, truth be told. Otherwise you will never see a part of me I barely experienced for myself. Getting past where I’ve been in this lifetime is only a matter of commitment, and trust breaking down to what we agree will never be questioned.
[We’re somewhere between Black Walnut and Horse Bay Cove, if memory serves correct.]
Are you trying to tell me the lawyer from Ohio is on top of the world over a scenario such as this? I would believe it.
At some point I get the anticipation of allegories, side stories and bulk of the matter… all there is to discuss could be relayed elsewhere, however going in to depth means spelling this out for everyone that I don’t intent to cross what I consider personal lines, I mean, I grew up to novels of dissipated heat being the only thing there was to conflict avoidance. One of those it could definitely be that of which we speak, of this I am sure.
Its mellow and dry, just the way I like it… plenty more to go on as previously mentioned.
The whole economy? Doubtful, yet my arrangement is such that the only thing staying busy conflicts with is spending money. The fancy word for it is “disposable income.” This zip code however means I would have to spend no more than half my income on rent, and the basic apartment starts around $2000 a month, which makes my situation uncomfortable around $4000 a month of paper.
Now if I wrote as I am known for on preferable occasions, since there is more to life than work alone; simply figure its possible to support myself on writing being taken seriously enough to support a relationship. I would, in a situation such as myself. By far I find it the most effective means to address practically anything on a level field; provided there is an understanding that my skill is worth life to any one of you. Stating the obvious is something you might not find, intentionally, in my writing. Its carrying an unconscious body through an attempted home invasion that I find difficult to convey, for example. What the fuck being the first thing and my only concern was for her. Its perfect in that fashion since I would have had to explain to her what she missed, if at all. The fuck you talking about you had an unconscious body in your arms up a flight of stairs past people actively trying to intrude for retrobution earlier that evening involving the poe. Its right up there with British intelligence straight off the break behind the scenes via invite, politely declined for the inclination of a way out. Even had someone try’n get you to leave, in the best of company, for mere mention of personal affairs? I could fuck with that night forever. I call them dynamics, which add dimension to the writing. It would have been an I know you too well to pull that in my house, kinda thing. Never said collusion, people. Sometimes things get strange when acting on emotion. We all have our instincts, damn near enough said.
What really gets to me is having to explain my car despite the place on the corner, diagonal from where I once lived. SUre, left it parked there in that past, yet for it to have been missing in a circumstance where one is aware of my situation; to not be believe about my own predicament in what was considered real enough to impose a consequence upon for those uninvolved directly is a stament in its own right, on my behalf most certainly. WHat gets to me is the perons who took the car from the parking lot only to return it at a later date is fucked in the head for some reason; where they saw me take heat for the situation in its entirety. That I didn’t even bring it up initially is a matter of severe complication in and of itself, yet it was because of being almost certain belief was never going to compensate for the reality of my experience. So, its thsat my car was dirven away while I had nothing in my defense to act on intelligibly, has seriously only been a symptom of my altered lifestyle. For some odd reason I feel as if I’ve been taken advantage of profusely.
Then there is the third child to contend with, of debatable significance.