Hey ‘Everyday Feminism’ *YOU* are failing Feminism.

I recently discovered and signed up to Everyday Feminism because I’m a gender equality warrior and I’m trying to engage with like-minded people and get my own gender equality non profit project going, (Phi Assembly).

I know that feminism is about social justice in lots of positive ways, and I’m proud to call myself a feminist, but my focus, my passion, and my warrior spirit, is fighting for the particular issue of gender equality, for good reasons.

I thought Everyday Feminism was a great organisation, I thought Sandra Kim (the founder) had really got it right. I was very excited to see a feminist movement with 4.5 million monthly visitors from over 150 countries fighting the good cause… And then…

I am a white middle class English cis male, and I know a lot about being a male feminist. I’ve been one since the age of 4 when I saw my father’s huge hand smash across my sister’s little face. I think that was the time he uttered the immortal words, “stop crying or i’ll really give you something to cry about”. The vision and sound of that event, is etched in my mind, I can still see the window behind him as he stood there and my sister sitting in the chair at the table crying and quivering and hunching down from him in terror before he hit her. And that’s not the only time, then there was my other sister, oh, and my mum, oh and my step mum, oh and… … This is the behaviour of scared men. Men who feel out of their depth, not capable, inadequate.

I’m 54 now so that makes me a feminist with 50 years experience, and most importantly; I have priceless experience from the inside, from the troublemakers in the world. Who, on the whole, are men.

I’ll share more insider information in other posts but you get my drift and my ‘qualifications’.

So, I’ve found Everyday Feminism. Great, cool, fab, I think. And then this article written by Katy Kreitler drops into my inbox — “Why Men Need Feminism Too (Really, You Do!)“. I read it with an ever increasing temperature and sense of disbelief. What a completely generalistic, sexist, stereotypical and condescending article, I simply cannot believe it was published by an organisation that purports to promote feminism. At very least, it’s pathetic, at worst, it’s extremely damaging to the feminist cause.

A very wise man from the excellent New Economics Foundation once said to me many years ago,

“if you purport to run an ethical organisation that does good, you have a moral duty to measure it and check that it does”.

Indeed.

I feel like leaving Everyday Feminism having read that article. Me! A male gender equality warrior of 50 years!

Read it yourself in the headspace of men like me who are liberated, conscious and not afraid of women (that’s the main problem with most men in my opinion), men like me, that see women as global compatriots, partners in our species, equal, (well actually, not quite equal, I believe feminine traits are much better suited to managing a harmonious global society than masculine traits).

I can see that Everyday Feminism reaches out to all kinds of people, and some that may need simple bullet pointed suggestions for dealing with issues. But surely, it should not alienate some of the most valuable stakeholders we have in the feminist movement — feminist men?

We female and male feminists need to work *very* closely together, we need to understand the other’s viewpoint and how it is for them, we need empathy and respectful dialogue. Titling an article “Why Men Need Feminism Too (Really, You Do!)“ and then starting it with “This one’s for you guys” is cheap, sensationalist, threatening, confrontational, patronising and works completely against the concept of bringing men on board.

But hold on, let’s make it worse. How about a condescending line like:

“you still may think that feminism is all about women’s issues, reproductive rights, celebrating femininity… pregnancy… motherhood… PMS… boobies… vaginas… who knows.”

Ha! You’re talking to men right? I don’t know one single man who would use the word ‘boobies’ to me, or ‘vagina’. It’s ‘tits’ and ‘fanny’ (or c*nt or whatever) — if you want to connect with men, (well, anyone really). 1. Don’t be condescending. 2. Speak their language.

And just to make sure the article really disengages the target audience, let’s be a school teacher and tell men what they can feel.

“You can even agree with some of the things traditional masculinity teaches you. As long as you think about it critically and choose it freely and it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

Yes Miss.

OK Miss.

Sorry Miss.

Thank you for letting me agree with some of the things traditional masculinity teaches me. Does that mean it’s OK that I like splitting logs Miss?

If Everyday Feminism — and indeed any feminist organisation — wants to engage men, they need to be smarter than this, they need male writers to speak about being a feminist male, and to engage other men on their level. Emma Watson and her wonderful United Nations speech and the HeForShe initiative was a great idea, but is also suffering from the same problem — but that’s another story coming soon.

I love the fact that Everyday Feminism exists and it’s growing so much. I know Katy Kreitler means well, but as my girlfriend spluttered having read the article “has she even met a man?”. She also pointed out that Katy is not the enemy, and that’s true, I send you love and positive vibes Sister, but please, don’t treat all men as if they are silly little boys.

And, can *everyone* please stop grouping us men into one homogeneous blob, please say “some men” or “according to this report most men”. I get extremely pissed off when I get lumped in with misogynistic men, you know, all feminist women are lesbians. Right?

Like the wise man from NEF said, Sandra Kim needs to check in big time with what Everyday Feminism is projecting, that article was written in 2012, that’s nearly 4 years of damage.

If you can, please, please, share this article. Especially I’d like Sandra Kim to read it, if we’re going to get women in their rightful place in the world, we need to work together, to talk properly about things, and to talk with respect to each other eh?

BiG love, Pete :)