Haikus For Cat People

On Valentine’s Day, here are ten Haikus my cat wrote.

As you can see, my cat began plotting to kill me the moment this photo was taken.

1

I love you, pet me

Not like that, you idiot

You deserved that scratch

2

Good morning, my friend

Wake up and smell the roses

And feed me, you slave

3

I left you a gift

Showing what you are to me

Headless bird carcass

4

When I purr for you

I’m guessing what frequency

Will make your heart stop

5

Thank you for wet food

Saucy meat fills me with joy

And makes my poo rank

6

Late night and quiet

Humans are asleep, safe and sound

Time to run like mad

7

I see you with that

Hellish device that holds my

Red Dot Nemesis

8

Let me out right now

Okay now let me back in

Wait, no, let me out

9

What did you expect

Bringing home that trampy cat

Time for new carpet

10

I see you’re busy

But look at how cute I am

Sitting in your way