Three Important Values You Should Seek In A Relationship

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When I was young, I would daydream about the day I’d find “The One”. An idea in Christianity assumes God has created one person for you to marry. This person is somewhere out there wandering the earth and it is up to you to follow God’s path to find them.

I remember praying to God to help me find her and I spent a lot of my early years feeling worried that either I’d never find her or she would not love me back. I believed I was unlovable because I was overweight, shy, and awkward. No woman expressed interest in me until I was a senior in high school. Coincidentally, I entered my senior year fifty pounds lighter and would go on to lose thirty more pounds before the end of the year. I remember one of my classmates in high school came up to me at the end of my senior year and said: “We just never thought you were dating material.”

Over the years, I’ve grown out of many of my insecurities. I’ve met countless wonderful women, dated some exceptional individuals, and my desire to find “the one” has faded into a pursuit of someone aligned with my values.

I used to be concerned with appearances, religious status, and the feeling from God that “yes, this is the one.”

Now, I seek out relationships that align with these three core values.


The Value Of Self

The value of self is understood through these questions: Does the person strive to understand and overcome their vices, pursue their passion, and ponder the inner workings of their heart and mind?

It is important to me to always be progressing and growing. If I feel myself becoming apathetic or lazy, my discomfort of complacency will always push me out of these realms.

Additionally, I desire a life in pursuit of passion. If I am not fulfilling my inner desires, I will never be satisfied until I do. I will continue to chew on the bone until it is raw and ready to be digested. A partner who seeks anything less in life is someone who is settling for less than their best.

An important question I believe all people should ask themselves is why? Why do I love what I love? Why do I act the way I do? Why am I here? The questions of why are what keep dreams alive and the heart pulsing.

Lastly, a person must be intent on loving the self. If they cannot love themselves then they will never be able to love wholly.

The Value Of Others

The importance of this value becomes increasingly apparent to me every day.

The value of others is the unquenchable drive to help others. In any situation, I ask myself “Who is this helping beyond myself?” If I cannot find an answer, then I seek ways to calibrate my choices in the direction of utmost need.

This value requires a person to be empathetic, giving, and communicative. The only way to effectively serve a need is by communicating and understanding those in need. Communication is key.

The Value Of Time

The Value of Time may not seem as important but, to me, they are all equal.

The value of time is the activities that we believe are worth spending time on. Time is the most valuable currency and what a person spends their time doing is a major indicator of their value.

The activities can be reading, writing, exercising, adventuring, or anything. For example, the choice to raise children is an enormous time commitment and two people choosing to raise children together is an alignment of their value of time.

To me, if there are few overlaps in two people’s value of time, then a long lasting relationship will turn to drudgery and resentment.


There are other, lesser values I find important but I believe they are all subsets of the three values I have addressed above. Undoubtedly my understanding of these values will develop as I continue to grow and I know I’ll only find someone worth spending the rest of my life with when I become someone who I would consider as

“The One”.