I had a biopsy Thursday, to determine whether or not I have thyroid cancer. I know, right? The good kind!
Seriously though — I am basically numb, completely so - despite my knowing that I not only have to wait 2 to 5 business days for a result, possibly more if they cannot properly view the slides - AND knowing the added bonus fact that because of certain genetic predispositions and existing conditions, I have about a 1-in-3 chance that this will come back malignant, and require all or total removal. But again, the good kind.
So… from when I had gotten the news a week ago (last Friday, 8/24)? I had been nothing but a ball of nerves, waitting to have this test done. Researching all of the information on what the initial ultrasound showed and the correlation between it and my lifelong genetic conditions.
(shush about that. I actually DO understand most of these big words, and have a friend whose Bro is an endocrinologist. I’m not talking WebMD, home of “input whatever you’d like and we’ll tell you you’re gonna die.”)
But now? When an answer is on the horizon and I am literally playing the waiting game, 2–5 Business days?? I feel NOTHING.
My brain keeps processing reasons I should be on edge. My heart? The originator of all feelings? It’s yelling at my mind "why don’t you feel something??"
But my mind? Nothing. I want to feel. I’m prepared to feel. I’m just not feeling. Even writing this. I’m robotic and just. Not. Feeling.
*shrug*
