Unlocking Self-discovery
How can we find out about ourselves? I want to answer this question by overviewing Michael Burnett’s book, ‘Finding Myself Along the Way,’ an account of his journey of self-discovery on the Camino de Santiago — the ancient pilgrimage path leading to Santiago de Compostela in Northern Spain.
Middle-class, middle-aged and highly disillusioned with his life in the United States of America. Michael graduated from college and was married in his early twenties. He enjoyed many of life’s pleasures but felt stunted by his routine 9 to 5 job. He craved adventure and something he could be passionate about in his life. But he lacked the courage to do those things. Ultimately, he regretted not fulfilling his dreams, making him feel even worse.
Eventually, Michael’s marriage fell apart and he blamed himself for not fully communicating his feelings with his wife. Yet, as desperate as he was for something different, he didn’t know how to get what he yearned for.
Then, he heard about the Camino de Santiago and thought it might offer a different way of doing things and to become as he describes it, ‘a better version of himself.’ He wanted to be more authentic to himself. He was hoping to find meaning in his life and have opportunities to connect with others.
The Change
Now, Michael learns a lot about the meaning of life on the Camino de Santiago. But the gist of it is this: he knew about the simplicity of life and consequently became much closer to himself.
How did this transformation happen?
Firstly, he met people, had conversations, told stories, and made friends. He experienced the camaraderie that can sometimes happen — that usually happens on the Camino de Santiago — if you let it. He got excited about his walk and as time passed, Michael found it easier, even with strangers, to share his secrets and innermost feelings. He noticed that things can become very deep, very quickly, when you’re less inhibited and guarded.
Now as Michael talked, he listened to others and enjoyed receiving their advice and suggestions. He then pivoted back and started to have an inner dialogue with himself where he compared his life experiences with those of other people. As a result, he ended up with a deeper and better understanding of events in his life. For example, he thought his prior unhappiness was immutable and unique. But he soon realised that others experienced the same thing. He began to reframe his past as if it were like climbing a mountain or a flowing river where things change continually.
Michael also had advice and wisdom that he could pass on to other people and it was also, he found, applicable to himself. For example, he saw that he was in the same situation as those who can’t figure out their purposes in life. But he told them not to get swept up or consumed by things. Rather, his counsel was to be honest with others and oneself. And, as he saw it, wounds can and do heal over time.
Eventually, Michael acknowledged that he had to act for himself and he began by talking with other people about their plans after they completed the Camino de Santiago (this was a way of talking to himself, of course). He decided to be less self-centred and admitted that he had to be more aware of his flaws and weaknesses and turn them into positives. He wanted to be more confident and directed.
But — this is a crucial point — he was still not clear about where life would lead him. That was still something he had to discover and understand. And so the Camino provided some answers in his journey of self-discovery but not all of the solutions to the issues in his life.
In closing, we can learn about ourselves by sharing our lives with others. In other words, there’s little progress made if we just stick to ourselves. We must step out beyond ourselves to see things in a different self-reflected light. It’s a bit like looking in and through a mirror towards a transformed reality.
So, Michael Burnett went through five different ways or stages in learning about himself. He met other people and spoke to them. He listened to what they had to say and then he compared their life experiences with his own. After that, he started to see his life in a new way with new perspectives. He then shared his wisdom and experiences with other people. And finally, I believe he was also calling himself to a particular kind of action that turned his negatives into opportunities.
This, I advocate, is a model of reflection and introspection that we can use in our lives and experiences when we are out and about in search of ourselves.
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