Apple announces new plans for better stratification

Apple today revealed their new plans for greater social stratification. “We’ve been working on this for a while,” an Apple spokesperson explained, “and we’re now ready to roll out Greater Stratification. Our intent is to drive a firm wedge between have and have-nots, making clear that we are no longer the populist computing company that rose hopefully towards a better world in the 1980’s. Forget that crap. It worked as a great ploy back then, but why continue that charade today?” Wall St. reacted with cautious optimism at the announcement.