Apple Rumored to be Developing its Own Humility

Word is rapidly spreading that Apple may be developing its own humility. A spokesperson from Apple, calling in from his yacht, confirmed that humility was being developed at Apple. “We’ve been considering a humility offering for a while now. Naturally, our humility would come with its own Apple twist. For starters, we’ll be offering a premium hood ornament in partnership with Mercedes. We’ll be extending that humility to other luxury cars in the coming months. At Apple, we visualize humility as an emblem of a more refined life. We anticipate extending humility to Ivy League colleges next year, but certainly not to state colleges and definitely not to community colleges. We just cannot afford to dilute our humility in that way.” Initial reaction to Apple’s humility has been very strong. At one store the line was so long that the people had to be coralled using a sheep dog. “If humility is well received, we may consider a meditation offering, too,” explained Apple. “We’ll be doing so in partnership with some of the most popular heavy metal bands — introducing the product on George Orwell’s birthday.”

Phil Shapiro has been a fan and critic of Apple since 1986. He is a previous president of the Virginia Macintosh Users Group.