Google to Spend $250 Million Training Staff on the Alphabet

Following up on its announcement about spreading the company out along the alphabet, Google announced today that it will be spending $250 million training its employees on the alphabet. Google chairman Larry Page explained, “It’s vital that everyone at Google be familiar with the alphabet, so we’re going to be making a concerted effort to get everyone up to speed. All meetings at Google will start with a group singing of the alphabet song. And when I walk the halls at Google, I’ll be spot checking employees to determine if they can tell me the letter that comes alphabetically after another letter. Anyone who is unable to do this will be required to do ten Bing searches on the spot.

Since our company has a flat hierarchy, any employee will be able to quiz me in similar fashion — after making an office appointment and saluting me for 30 seconds at the door to my office. Our goal is to have everyone as familiar with the alphabet as if it were the alphabet.”