New iPad Pro not compatible with AC or DC electricity

Apple announced today that its coveted new iPad Pro is not compatible with AC or DC electricity. For greater customer convenience, the device is designed to work with Apple Electricity (tm), a proprietary electric standard available for both home and enterprise users for a one-time installation charge of $10,000 and an annual support charge of $500. Apple Electricity (tm) is fully compatible with the new Apple Ankle Bracelet, which seamlessly integrates customers’ checking and savings accounts to Apple’s projected earnings. An Apple spokesperson explained that the Apple Ankle Bracelet is not compatible with either the old Apple Pencil (tm) or the new Apple Pencil (tm), but it does work with Apple ADB keyboards and Firewire 400 ports, but not Thunderbolt ports. Reaction on Wall Street was mixed.