Years ago, 2013 to be exact, I first used online dating. While I tried to figure out the best website for me, I grew tired of the first dates that never went anywhere, and the work it took to organize and manage it all. After one year, I swore it off and didn’t plan on using it as a means for finding a companion ever again.
In 2019, I decided I was ready to date again. I was a bit reluctant, as my crash landing back in the USA after living abroad in Europe came about unexpectedly, and made me feel unstable. Not to mention, my long-distance relationship, that ended as a result of my return to the USA, left a bitter taste in my mouth. Trust in others had dwindled. So, I listened to the advice of friends and family who had success on new dating apps. I joined two, and as I completed my profile, I felt odd. I wasn’t prepared for the reality of how shallow I became in those moments. Swiping left (a clear “No, not gonna happen!”), was too easy for me. When I did swipe right, those few who made it past the initial test, I found that many conversations that I started with excitement, fizzled out quickly. Were my standards too high? Unrealistic even?
For the one which I kept a consistent exchange going, I was confident in the beginning, but then began questioning my trust issues that crept up. Those ghosts from the crypt of my dating past, that I hoped I had put to rest. I thought about how many other people he might be chatting with, and dating at the same time. I then thought that even though I was really interested in this one, I should probably keep my options open too. Within two weeks, I began to feel deranged!
I am not sure what the “norms for dating” entail. Is it strange to talk to a few people at a time? Was it harmful to me or the other person? Should I cancel my other coffee date?! (which I did). Could I really trust someone else? Was I just PMSing or was I always going to feel suspicious? LOL! Oh, the mood swings!
How could I have invested so much time and energy in something in such a short amount of time? Just a month prior, I was pretty content to do my own thing, alone, single. Too much thinking! Spiraling!
I decided not to do anything impulsive, and took a deep breath…and wrote this article. :-D
Will I sleep better after venting my self-reflection about Dating (Apps)? Probably.
Will I ever be in love again? Since I’m only 32, I’m going to say it’s likely.
Will I delete the apps before the first month of this new year ends? TBD.
Will I look back on this post and laugh? Yes.