i literally have no words. but it seemed funny.

I haven’t written in a very long time. By “long time” I mean maybe a week or two. Which has felt like a very long time for me. Honestly, the days have all just been blurring together and stringing themselves into one long rendition of the short film I call “reasons why I’m getting the hell out of my hometown.”

But I’m writing today because there is something really odd but also kind of fantastic that I need to share; and that is the top 5 jobs has recommended for me.

Here’s a little more information into my background so you can fully appreciate the job suggestions that it has recommended for me. I have a bachelor’s degree in design from an art school in Brooklyn. I have spent the past 2 years post graduation working as an in-house graphic designer for a tee shirt apparel printing company. (This part actually makes my job sound more interesting than it really is.) I have dipped my metaphorical career toes into the screen printing and logo / apparel design field and not much else.

I’m on the job hunt because I’ll soon be vacating my entire life and myself to glorious, beautiful, sweaty Texas. Where I currently have no job offers or even solid career prospects. Which freaks everyone else I tell this to out; like I’m a crazy person for even leaving the stability and comfort of my hometown with a secure job in my college degree field to venture half way across the United States to a place I have only ever stepped foot in once. (Okay maybe I am a bit nuts?) But all genius and brilliant creatives were crazy people too. So by that logic, I too, will be brilliant one day. Hopefully when I get a job or have a clearer understanding of my purpose on this planet. Whichever comes first. (My gut tells me the former one though.)

So back to the job hunt/grind/search/thing I’ve been proactively trying to do daily so as to spread my seed (resume) far and wide throughout the vast city of Austin, TX. I probably send an average of 3–5 applications out daily and probably send multiple ones back out to companies I really, really like (the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right?)

But apparently doesn’t think I’m spreading my seed far enough, or at least to specific jobs that up until this point I had no idea my particular skill set qualified for. The website gave me a listing of 10 recommended jobs to take a gander at. So here are 3 out of the 10 listings felt most pertinent to bring to my attention. (I’m only sharing 3 because the other 7 were actually quality jobs that I then did actually apply to. What can I say the job search engine site knows what it’s doing, people.)

  1. Electrician Helper/Apprentice- I liked that they used the term “helper” right in the job title because it conjures up imagery of a younger more care-free time in elementary school when we all had classroom duties each week and a lot of them were teacher’s “helpers.” Also my idea of being electrically “handy” is changing the fridge light bulb every now and then and feeling smugly accomplished after it. (Even though I’m sure a trained monkey can do this as well, maybe not even trained. I bet a feral monkey could do that task.) But then I never know if it’s chill or not to throw the actual light bulb away in the normal garbage can, or if by now in this day and age we have a specialty recycle bin for items like this? But then I just end up throwing it away in the normal trash can anyways because my brain begins to hurt from trying to decide if a light bulb would recycle with glass or metal because it seems like a good combination of the two if you ask me. Needless to say this job recommendation is “a no for me dawg” (Randy Jackson).
  2. Theater Technician- Which I just saw and immediately thought was a kinder term for the person that rips your ticket stub in half and points you to the clearly marked theater number (as if you needed help finding it.) This person also occasionally butters your popcorn. Haven’t looked any further into that job description so to save time let’s just assume that I am right and this is exactly the role this job describes.
  3. Food photographer and food critic- I actually did further investigation on this job posting and to my dismay discovered that I do not meet the strict list of requirements for it. But I did think long and hard about how to phrase wording and job titles on my resume to skew it to better fit this job. But then I realized that that was probably going to take too long and would be a whole lot of effort for a glorified Instagram foodie position; I decided not to.

In conclusion, can give you some subtle comedic relief during the stressful time of job hunting. It also opens your eyes to a medley of career moves you never once thought were right for you. So I recommend if you’re on the job search and the voices in your head keep telling you “you’ll never get hired this a complete waste of time. Don’t bother you’re no good anyways.” Or if the amount of reject “sorry we’ve decided to pursue other more qualified candidates” emails could fill an entire ocean; you can just say, “screw this I’m going to become a food critic!” Which is a line I will probably use in the future. If believes in me, then so do I! So pass me your popcorn to butter and while I’m at it let me take some tasteful photos of it as well.

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