I’m having a really hard time bullshitting my way through today. It’s like there is an inner energy that knows I’m not supposed to be in this position, in this job, in this town, in this state, in this life. I feel like I’m slowly drowning in the common place of it all; with every week that goes by, every tick of the proverbial time clock in my life; I drown. Just a little deeper into the ocean of regret and normaldom. I know that is not a “word” in the webster dictionary sense, but it is to mean the normal, typical, generic, buy one get one free punch card of life. The exact life I have been telling myself since the third grade that I would not fall into. I was goin to be different, do different things; exciting things. I was going to be the one from school that the kids who continued to hang around our hometown, stuck too deep into the normaldom of it all, that would talk about me; check up on my social medias just to see how vastly different my present reality was. How much I was doing, how many places I was venturing to, and how many surreal people I was meeting and finding along the way.
It feels like a slow painful melting, to just stick around here; deepening myself into the quicksand of normaldom. How easy it is to have 2 years go by in a blink, not knowing how I’m going to make my escape and rebirth into a new life, an exciting life. One that I don’t look back on in vain as an old lady. I need to get out of here. With every day I lose another of doing amazing things in different places. I need to start swimming and I need to stop drowning.