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. Kindness Isn’t Just For Others
. (It’s Good For You, Too)
. I’m sitting in my seat on an airplane and to make sure I’m not using the controls meant for the person next to me, I say, “Do you have a set of buttons on your side for the tv?”
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. The man says, “Yeah.”
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. I figure that’s fine, he’s not a talker. That works well for me since on flights, I tend to write and sometimes talking gets in the way. But before I can complete one sentence, he goes into a diatribe about the other passengers.
. “It really pisses me off that people who sit farther back in the plane use my overhead compartment.”
. I say, “Excuse me?” I had already put one of my earbuds in to begin working.
. “It’s all bulls — — t! You’d think the people running the plane would make sure they don’t do it. I’ve got to put my bag far away from where I’m sitting because some assh — — can’t put his bag in the right place!”
. At this point, I remain quiet. First, I’m not going to engage this man because there’s no point. He has a set of beliefs I have difficulty relating to and they’re so ingrained in his personality, there’d be no dialogue that would move him from that position.
. Secondly, the fact that he even felt comfortable using the language he did with someone he just met, tells me he wasn’t looking for a conversation, he was venting. He was angry and it didn’t make a bit of difference who was sitting next to him. I could easily have been a mannequin.
. The short exchange disturbed me. I started thinking back to my childhood and how my parents talked to us about our behavior. There was always a discussion about the way we talk to others and how we treat them especially if elders aren’t around. It made me sad. When did we lose our decency? I’m not talking about holding the door open for someone with a handful of groceries or giving an older person your seat on a bus or the subway. I’m talking about common politeness. I’m talking about manners. When did we stop being courteous to each other? Do we even realize it?
. With everything that’s going on in the world, I’m sure some people will say, “So what? What difference does it make? They’ll say, “I’m out of work, my kid’s sick and I don’t have insurance, I don’t feel like being kind to a stranger. How can that possibly benefit me?”
. In truth, a person’s frame of mind when engaged in a negative way is highly toxic to the body and conversely, kindness and warmth are beneficial.
. According to the research of Dr. David R. Hamilton, engaging in acts of kindness produces endorphins, the brain’s natural way of reducing our perception of pain. It’s the same chemical that some feel during exercise, eating chocolate or having sex.
. But Dr Hamilton discovered that displays of kindness create an emotional warmth causing the release of a chemical called nitric oxide which dilates the blood vessels and reduces blood pressure thereby protecting the heart. He found that not only does this chemical make us physically happier, but by saving the heart, it slows down the aging process and helps us live longer.
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. This means if you want to live better and longer, be kinder. Do something nice for someone. Find the time to be polite and show a kindness maybe to someone you don’t know well. If a new colleague has joined your office and they’re nervous about fitting in, maybe you can offer to have lunch with them. If that’s too much of a risk, find out what they drink in the morning and treat them to a cup.
. If the workplace is too uncomfortable, try an act of kindness outside. Look at how many times a day you wait in line. Think of all the times you’re at the supermarket, cleaners, or fast food place, to name a few. Show a kindness there. While you’re waiting for the clerk at the supermarket, let someone go ahead of you. Tell them you’re in no hurry and they look like they need a break. Most people will be surprised and gush, “Oh, thank you!”
. It might be something as simple as complimenting someone’s tie or saying you like a certain pair of shoes but it can also be more profound. Have you ever been to a bar or restaurant and paid a stranger’s bill? Have you ever shoveled someone’s driveway or mowed their lawn without being asked? These acts of kindness and courtesy especially for someone who’s struggling could make a world of difference to their frame of mind. And yours.
. Now again, the naysayers will balk and say, “Are you crazy? People today would just as soon shoot you as look at you! I’m not going to take a chance like that!” Yes. it is difficult to make contact with a stranger. But we’re not talking about putting yourself in harms way. I’m not suggesting you go up to a group of strangers and offer to take them for a ride. I’m talking about specific situations, where other people are around and you feel safe.
. Performing an act of kindness will not only keep you healthy in body but within your personal relationships. Kindness reduces the emotional distance between people so we feel more bonded to them. It’s harder to be separate when you’re being kind.
. After recording these thoughts, I decided to take my own advice. When we were ready to deplane from our trip, I told the man seated next to me I was sorry for his inconvenience and offered to help with his bag. He declined but thanked me for offering. As I left the terminal, I wondered if that exchange gave the man any of his own endorphins for greater sensitivity on his next flight. One can only hope.