Are you sure you’re taking the right pills? Because most everything you say sounds familiar; it’s almost like, sometime last year, you snuck inside my head and started furiously scribbling down my thoughts as they cycloned past.
But I’ve been taking my pills and those thoughts are now tinny and distant. I can remember the words and the meanings, but I can’t connect with the feelings anymore.
I’d taken fluoxetine before, in the past, but when I started up again last fall it was different. It had always helped, but previously it had been no more than a nudge; it helped the way aspirin helps in dealing with a broken ankle. Things are better, but not really “good”, as it were.
This time around it was different. I literally woke up one morning and found I could no longer connect into the feeling of my depressed thoughts. The thoughts weren’t gone, they just weren’t… sticky. I could see them float into my head, and I could choose to watch them float right back out again.
Anyway, my point is, you might want to ask whomever is writing your prescriptions if they’re sure your pills are they right pills. Sometimes, apparently minor changes in formulation or dosages can make major differences in effectiveness. Don’t go changing things on your own, but maybe you should explore your options in concert with a mental health professional.
Oh, and by the way: The worst thing about depression is that it’s real.