I’m aware of opportunities for me…. As I sit in my tiny dorm room, crying over the failure that is me living in a world valuing people so unlike me, I know what others think of me. I’m lazy. I’m not putting in effort. I’m doing this to myself. I’m not giving myself a chance. I have to snap out of it. I’m being stupid. I’m being paranoid. … Don’t give up. Just stop laying in bed all the time.
If you had leukemia, would you beat yourself up for not being more successful? For not achieving more than you do? Would you think that anyone would happily take your place, cancer and all?
If you had leukemia, would you criticize yourself for doing “Just enough to get through the day, and then the week, and then the month, the year”, or would you instead stand up and cheer, “I made it through another day! I made it through another month! I made it through another year! Fuck you, cancer!”
You don’t have an attitude problem. You have a depression problem. You can probably overcome it on your own, but why would you? Get help (or get more help).
And maybe stop being so hard on yourself?