Truth finds its way…
Truth is something that can’t be mistaken or taken lightly. You have to meet it — all of it. Truth is something that resonates with the deepest parts of your being. Its a knowing and while I write this I can say that the truth has been shaken, spat on and hurled into the burrows of my own stomach.
This past month has been crazy and wild. I’ve wanted to do nothing but hurl myself into the womb of the earth or maybe burrow myself in the breast of something warm and nurturing. I relapsed back into the past at the face of this new found truth. I wanted to kick the fear right in the guts. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. I want to run and i did. I wanted to cling onto everything and anyone that had a breathe of safety trickling from the neck of hope — and I did. Yet I found myself back at the beginning. Nothing had changed and things probably got worse. Fear is fucked. It really is. Nothing pleasant or loving about it.
I felt like a young child running through a maze of hungry hippos. It was scary, weird and frightening. What happened you ask? Well, I don’t know how to answer that without sounding like a crazy conspiracy theorist who has watched way too much Alison in Wonderland. I’ve never been into that shit or maybe a little bit but this rattled the bones right out of me. I will write about in enough time but right now I feel like I just need to breathe the world back into me. At one point I felt like my soul was being sucked from the roof of my mouth — nothing making sense and nothing feeling like it should of. It felt like I was in my very own horror movie.
But I learn’t alot…
I learnt that you should never hand your power over to people, places or things that don’t leak one inch of your essence. Nothing. Don’t read something or even agree with someone if it disrupts you own inner God cage. Don’t do it. I read a quote from Dr Rose Pere we should never bow to anyone or anything unless its the Mountain that you were birthed from. Very true. Hold onto your beliefs like you wouldn’t believe. Hold tight to what is right within you. Its easy to get lost on the spiritual journey and get stuck in the abyss of being ‘spiritual’ you can seek and ask too much and before you know it your on the edge of you own truth. Well, I was and maybe I still am at the moment.
I can say that in that short period of time which felt like a lifetime. I Found myself tripping on some other reality or world. I was faced with an experience that made me realise that I have shit boundaries and that I hand my power over in very many ways which over a long period of time that shit is dangerous.
I’ve learnt that my inner child is such a powerful source and when she isn’t happy or healed she can be an easy target for all that is not true and real. This has made me realise that there is a balance and also a responsibility to play in my part. ANd to be careful in who and what you share with others.
I also learnt that love is one of the most powerful things on the planet but so is being unapologetically yourself even in all you dark and shitty bits. If you can love and be loved then your winning in life. If you can love all your shit bits? Then your also winning in life.