Being the one apart

Last year I decided to move back to the country I was born in. Australia. Why I did this — I don’t have a clear answer myself — maybe it was the fact that I finally felt like it was time to focus on myself or maybe because my brother was moving as well or maybe, as one of my best friend stated, I was once again running away.

I knew moving 14,000 km away would be hard on so many levels — I miss my family, friends, typical Polish traditions during holidays, food (yes food!) and even sometimes the smells and faces I was familiar with.
Yesterday though I experienced a whole new level of emotions and feelings that simply I did not see coming.

People living far away from friends and family know how important it is to be in contact with them.
Unfortunately everyday life can make that communication very hard but yesterday after being nearly a year away I finally had a Skype call with two of my best friends at once. Although the call was short and generally good I could not help noticing how distant it all felt.
Not the fact that we were actually so far away, but more on a emotional level. I was sitting in my living room covered in layers due to the weather (yes it is sometimes cold in Australia) and they were in summer tops talking how hot it is. I was jealous that they could sense each other, talk to each other, notice their body reactions and just be in the presence of each other.
I on the other hand was just some friend on the screen somewhere far away. After the call I should have been happy, but all I felt was how detached I was from my group of close friends. I realized I no longer fully belong, I am the outsider. I do know this was my choice, but I must say it just isn't easy noticing you’re just no longer the friend you were before. Hopefully though no matter how many years will past and how many life experiences I will miss in their lives, the moment I meet them it will be like I was there all the time.

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