Like a CV

I have gone through some CVs within 3 seconds, some in 2 seconds, some in 5 minutes, and some everyday. Reviewing or going through a curriculum vitae can be some herculean task as some hiring managers will say. So, some will barely go through it with some attention. At first, the smile in that face may disappear. Continuing to read or scan through a CV may be boring and professionals are hardly interested in the boring. Now you know that a CV may get some hiring manager to tumble over because of some serious laughter. Well, such CV might have saved the day but it is never provable that getting attention is the same as calling for someone attention. Let me pay a little attention to the matter. So, I am about to talk about the difficulty I have in sustaining or even getting some fine ladies’ attention. Please do not run off yet. I shall try by every means to convince you that writing a good CV will fetch an attention of a hiring manager like it will fetch an attention of the person next to you.

Once upon a time, I stumbled upon a CV which had at every footnote ‘Why won’t you hire me?’ I couldn’t hold my laughter. I remembered what I usually write there for some heavy-weight professionals (don’t forget ‘some’). Then, I imagined the smile of victory on the face of the fellow. ‘I just killed it!’ Killed what? I would have asked it again like my friend Jade. So it will turn like me when I newly met Adasa and rehearsed properly for hours in mind only to get a face seriously looking at the laptop. Still wait… A hiring manager is aware that footnote may read ‘Business Manager Extraordaire’ (some people that kill it) or ‘Chidi Udo, CCNP, CCNP, ACCA, ACA,’ (now you know some certifications that may gladden you). So ‘why won’t you hire me?’ will be like asking a lady ‘How are you…How is this? How is that?’, when she is not writing exam. See this one..

And a hiring manager will start looking for you, so you need to give the full address showing the bus stop before the street close to the street where you live. You will need to provide your hometown and even the place of birth because we need to go on a personal research. Your kinsmen will have to confirm whether you can handle system analysis or financial reporting. So like me that will say ‘my village is before that one on the major road after the next junction’. Why not provide information relating to the job? Is the CV not supposed to get you that job? So like that guy in my office who can hold ladies attention ‘I can kill for a picture with you…you glow girl’ (even though I haven’t tried that). But it works when your CV reads expertise, achievements, and aspirations, with some touch of your personality showing; passion, team spirit, and commitment.

I can go on and on, I know that you are always interested in this kind of little amusement. But I will save the rest for you in some future writing. Save the date if you can, 01. 12. 2017. This writing would have ended here but for some reasons. Why will you on earth add in your CV ‘salary: 100k not bad’. Like the fellow who asked a lady ‘hope their food is not expensive’. Now that I have said a little here and a little there, I shall leave you to think of the best way in saying it. Yes, I know that some of you will be arguing what is right and what is not right about a CV. 140 and still counting…