i think it’s important to know what you need from a relationship. it’s important to know what you expect from a significant other. i feel that part of the problem with millennial dating is that we don’t take enough time to sit with ourselves and truly ask, “what am i really looking for? what do i need?” i mean of course, we have some idea of what we want; but most of the time, this idea is more of an ideal abstraction, rather than an honest search of the heart and mind.
we fumble through situationships and failed flings until we are finally tired of lending our hearts to trial runs. yes — we can say that dating is how we learn… but dating is also how we burn. we become bitter and cynical. we get hurt and make mistakes that could have otherwise been avoided if we’d taken the time to thoroughly explore our own desires, needs, and personal psychology.
the time and effort that we put into a relationship with someone that is completely wrong for us could have been alternatively used to get to know and love yourself. this is not to say that people who take this time don’t get hurt. although, i do believe that they get hurt less frequently by being more strategic with whom they allow into their lives.
when you are happy, content, and full by yourself, you don’t search out others to help complete you. you also fervidly govern what you will and won’t allow into your happy, content space. you are not swayed by loneliness or tempted by facades. you don’t have to fumble through nonsense, gas-lighting, or projections because you know yourself, your worth, and you establish those boundaries early on.
for so long, i’ve looked to television and social media as a blueprint for my perfect relationship, when all the while i should have been mapping out my own heart. learning myself and loving who i am; protecting my energy and growing on my own.
instead, i’m now 27 and in my first real relationship, trying to learn what i expect and need from my partner. i’ve brought unnecessary baggage and skepticism that sometimes hinders our progress. i’m lucky to have a man that is willing to help me unpack these issues — but i’m also apprehensive.
there is a mess of thoughts swirling around my head and i don’t know what’s valid or just post-traumatic stress. i just hope he doesn’t get tired of me as i figure it all out.
