Sisterhood of the Young and Beautiful
I was outside a falafel place in town. We were picking something up for dinner and my husband ran in while I waited in the car. Just then a group of college girls walked by.
It wasn’t a rare occurrence. There are five colleges in my area. The streets are full of college students but this time, something about them made me feel my age.
Slim figured with just the right amount of curviness, flawless complexions, no creases or wrinkles, no excess skin hanging from their necks, they tossed their long shining hair like lion’s manes. Caught by the breeze their tumbling tresses framed their smooth faces. They walked with an unhurried sway chatting with each other, their full-lipped smiles showed straight white teeth. Their hips swung gently, and their short skirts showed off long slim legs, no puffiness, no baggy, wrinkled knees.
They were relaxed, moving along the sidewalk like a sisterhood of the young and beautiful.
And I was struck by a wave of nostalgia and regret.
Once upon a time, I was beautiful too. Shining eyes, beautiful smile. I walked down the street and heads turned. It was my time to shine. I never thought it would fade.
Youth and beauty are valued but not earned. They are cheap and temporary. Youth and beauty have no character. Character is built from experience and experience happens over time.
I’m smarter now than I’ve ever been. I’m more self-aware, more confident in my abilities, better able to navigate the world, and more ready to enjoy myself.
I have conquered many of my demons, but when I saw those beautiful young bodies flash into my field of vision, I wanted to be young again.
Youth and beauty fade too quickly. I wanted mine back, but I didn’t want the self-consciousness and bad judgment that came with it. I made so many mistakes. Mistakes that even now, 40 years later, torture me at night like annoying mosquitoes whining around my head.
Odds are the beautiful ones are just as stupid and just as insecure and are making just as many mistakes as I did.
The passage of time wears youth away like water on stone. Time and gravity leave their mark. Strength ebbs. Every day brings death closer.
When I was young and beautiful, I never would have imagined that someday I’d be an old woman watching a group of college students with envy and regret.
They are oblivious and have no idea what they are going to lose but just as important is what they will gain.
