Ugly.

Melanie Brandt
Sep 5, 2018 · 1 min read

I don’t know when it happened or how I found out, but I’m ugly. My face is dry as a bone today,my hair’s so puffy it looks like Jiffy Pop on an electric stove. My stomach pours out over my feet onto the sidewalk. I hate to be noticed but I may see you and smile. I’m so completely ashamed of myself that I want to run away and stand behind a tall tree to think for a minute. But then again I also long for attention and connection during this crisis of conformity. I’m confusing. And quite contrary when I’m hurting. I feel like I hate AND I want/need. Maybe I should do something drastic:

Like:

#1. Go on a water fast.

#2. Take an extra anti-depressant (every-other-day.)

#3. Start boot-camp exercises Monday morning.

#4. Save up for total body lift surgery.

#5. Sacrifice now for long-term goals.

#6. Cut my hair off.

#7. Google “hypo-thyroid disorder.”

#8. Smoke another cigarette.

#9. Get two more tattoos on my face.(just kidding…..not really.)

#10. Write something devastating and profound.

#11. Go back to shooting heroin.

#12. Get a forty ounce bottle of Olde English in a brown paper bag, and guzzle it down on someone’s front steps until I feel more again.

#13. Keep this in Drafts and try to delete it somehow.

#13. Just snap-out of this silly self-pity.

#14. End this list in the name of all human kind and take a break away from further nauseating self doubt…?

Hmmmm.

I’ll think about it.