Oh, so much love and empathy to you. I’m honored that you could share this with me, I understand the more assaults than can be remembered. I push them down, push them away, change the details in my mind so that the memory is less painful. Make excuses and justifications because if I felt each and every one of them for what they were, I don’t think I could function.
I also have had a period of healing that I am feeling backsliding away from me, the return of pain, anger, fear without a name to place on it, trouble sleeping with tortured dreams. I am quick to feel offense, I am quick to anger. In fight or flight? I flee. My body doesn’t allow for such things, which is probably a blessing in this case, but I want to run. Just go out the door and run. Where to? No idea. Just run till it doesn’t hurt anymore. Run to a place that doesn’t exist.
Watching the men and masculine folks around me not get it. Dismiss the words, dismiss the accusers, dismiss the “political stunt”. “It’s just politics, you’re being too sensitive.”
It hurts. I hurt with you. We hurt with millions of others and the only thing I can think to say is we must grab him by the ballot and vote. Vote. Vote.