People have been asking me questions about my life lately. In response, I have created an FAQ sheet here for the overly curious.

Q: hello

A: That is not a question

Q: Why did you just exit your workplace, step into your car for 2 seconds, then go running back in?

A: My mother, who was driving the car, turned to me as I entered. Her eyes seemed wholly unfocused. “Have you killed god? You cannot go home until you have killed god.” So I had to get that shit done.

Q: Why do you look like an acne riddled insomniac?

A: I don’t, I look like an acne riddled narcoleptic. Which I am. Dick.

Q: Did you know that you tweet like a wild bonobo?

A: This is really less a question than a comment, I feel like I’m being led here.

Q: Tits or ass?

A: Personality.

Quote me on this shit.

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