Wearing this watch in a movie theater is not a great idea. Any time you shift in your seat, your watch awakens. When you get a notification — if you look at it — you’ll learn some are small fonts on black backgrounds and not that bad while others have notifications with big white icons and light gray backgrounds that light up a room. My favorite unknown feature was the Apple Activity app informing me halfway into a movie with a forceful haptic jolt and message demanding I needed to stand for one minute out of every hour to remain healthy and I should do so right now because I hadn’t stopped sitting since the movie began. Also, when the watch comes to life unexpectedly in a dark theater, or you know, any other location you might be in that might be dark, there’s no way to instantly darken it besides covering the watch face with your other hand which you should hope is free to cover your expensive wrist computer.
Twitter on the other hand only gives you two options: read your timeline five tweets at a time (who here likes the tedium of hitting “read more” every 10 seconds? Then you’ll love this.) or you can look at Top Trends (popular hashtags). Is there a single person on this planet that cares about and reads global trending hashtags? Have you ever actually clicked on those trending hashtags? You never click it twice is all I can tell you. I mean great, they got rid of the Discover tab in the iPhone app, but now I guess it’s on my expensive wrist jewelry? If Twitter’s watch app was only notifications of favorites and mentions it would be great since that’s the first place jerks like me look on my phone or desktop.
As we waited for the ambulance, that went out the window. As did everything else but love. That is why it is fair to say that most things are bullshit. In the end, love is all we have. It sounds hokey in this cynical age, but I can guarantee you that death is the most clarifying experience you will ever discover. When death washes over your family, when you lose the person you care for most, you will realize that love is at the core of the human experience.