Racism

“Out! Get out!”

My mother taught me German when I was a younger girl and I knew enough words to eavesdrop on conversation. When I was taken away along with my mother, it was those who spoke the German language who chucked us in a heavily crowded and smelly van, onto a cargo train, and now to get out.

So here I am, the start of my story. The start of my life I want to tell you.

The crowded cargo truck stunk of sweat, urine and other things. We were all silent, too scared to speak, compliant to orders from the Germans. We have done nothing wrong. Maybe if we were silent and cooperative, they’d see we aren’t criminals and set us free.

This is what I deluded myself with. Back at home, we were settling down to dinner. Father at the top, mother and I on the sides. We ate slowly, as it was one of the only proper meals we’d had in a while. We savoured the taste, we sipped the beautiful drink, we relished in some peace and quiet for once.

Then the door broke down.

And Germans, all with guns came on, grabbing at me and mother, muttering oaths and threats of what they’d do to us when they had the time. Tears immediatly escaped my eyes, out of fright, out of shock. Mother screamed. Father stood up defiantly, prepared to defend his family and his house.

I found out later that whilst I was being carried outside, father was being kicked to death by the Germans, his face getting bloodier and bloodier every second, his life leaving him more and more.

So mother and I joined a crowded truck, and then a crowded train. To where; I do not know.

And so I return to where I stared, a gruff German voice bellowing for us to leave the train. The great doors opened, and a dim sun glared down upon us. It looked foggy, and a slight drizzle was going to crest our heads.

Germans stood outside, armed. They didn’t look that alert though, but that was to test us. Sure enough, as we began to disembark, one of the men in our carriage attempted to make a dash for it, but as sun as he left it, and the Germans saw the determination on his face and the speed in his body — he was gunned down. His body fell limp, and he landed on the ground, blood oozing from his torso. His eyes still wide, but empty, for he was dead.

Mother started to cry, and a few others let tears come, but we carried on leaving the carriage, some stepping on the body of the dead man, how disrespectful.

I looked at my surroundings. It looked like we were at some kind of modern fort of barbed wire, of wooden towers, of rows and rows of huts, and something that looked like a power station, with two brick funnels poking out of it.

We were lead — or more like herded — in the direction of the power station. The Germans training their weapons on us, some of them pushing, kicking, laughing at us, and then one grabbed me.

He was a fat German. He grabbed me by the neck and I looked into his eyes, pleading to let me go.

His small piggy eyes searched mine, and the fat hand that wasn’t holding my kneck went down to my breasts, squeezing hard.

I cried out, attracting the attention of other guards.

“Don’t waste your time. She is sub-human. Do not dirty your hands with her!” they called.

He released me, and chucked me back into the moving crowd.

I lost mother, where was she?! Whilst the German was having his fun with me, the crowd had carried on.

I tried to run up, to push through, but the crowd was too dense. I began to cry again. Where was mother?

“Mother!” I cried, “mother!” But no response came. I was a voice in the wind, probably too far away to be heard.

I was alone.

The slow trek to the power station took ten minutes, and we were lead into a hall where there were more German soldiers, and some in white coats. One yelled in Polish to us.

“Take off your clothes, then come here!”

We all did as requested, but it was embarrassing. All people, of all shapes and sizes stripped, revealing attractive or ugly bodies. I was attractive. I was only sixteen, and I had grown well. Some Germans watched me as I stripped, and I daren’t wonder what they wanted to do with me. If all were like that fat German near the train, then I shook in fright.

When we were all naked, and brown clothes were now replaced by a sea of incredibly pale skin, we walked towards those in white coats, and our heads were shaved.

The one who shaved my head paused before doing so, and I looked up, wondering what was taking so long; and I saw that sadness had filled his eyes as he stared at my long blonde hair. My heart jumped a little, maybe there were some nice Germans.

But no, he shook his head, grabbed the hair and started chopping away furiously, muttering under his breath “a shame she has such beautiful hair, yet she is such scum…”

I heard this, and tears came down again, and my cheeks glowed with embarrassment. What have I done wrong?

After that, we were herded like cattle elsewhere, to something that looked like a vault, with a great steel door, and pillars inside.

One German called to us, “have no fear! You are only going for a shower!”

A shower? My mood brightened a little. Maybe they were taking us here to give us better conditions? Better houses? Better healthcare? The memories of a father being kicked to death, and a missing mother left me as I felt content to shower a little.

So I stood inside with all the others, and the great steel door closed behind us, locking us in.

Locking us in…

It wasn’t a shower.

Panic set in, some screamed, some began running to the steel door, trying in vain to open it, but failing.

Then some hell came from the top, and my breath became impure. I couldn’t breathe any longer. My eyes swelled with water.

And as the final seconds of life came to me, I saw mother die to, looking at me, whispering three simple words that I yearned to tell back.

“I love you.”

Rest in peace to the millions of Jews, homosexuals, disabled persons, political-opponents and many others who met the terror of the Nazi doctrine. Never again.